Cosmic Love
by LoveLemons
Summary: It's just after midnight and I sit down at my desk to write a letter. The letter is to the same person I write a letter to every year on my daughter's birthday...her father.
1. Birthday

**I don't own anything...no harm meant....just playing around with some fun characters**

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My name is Bella Swan, and today is my daughter's third birthday. I can't believe she's 3 already...it seems like just yesterday I was taking her home from the hospital. I know all parents say that, but that doesn't make it any less true.

It's just after midnight and I sit down at my desk to write a letter. The letter is to the same person I write a letter to every year on my daughter's birthday...her father.

I've lost track of just how many letter's I've written him over the years. It's got to be nearing 400 soon. Jeez, when you think of it that way, I seem like some crazed stalker-but in reality-I'm just trying to give what my daughter needs and wants.

Sure Emmy has me, my parent's and my friends that care and love her, but no one can replace your father. I would know...my own father died when I was 10, and no one, no matter what can ever take his place.

My mother and father divorced when I was three, and my mother remarried not too long after. Phil, is great, and I love him, but he will never take Charlie's place in my heart. Just like I know no man could ever take the place of Emmy's father.

Most women in my situation might hate the man that knocked them up and never heard from them again-but I don't. If I'm being completely honest...I still love him. I'm more worried that he _hates _me and Emmy.

After all the letters I've written him, I've never once heard back. No phone calls, no e-mails, no letters...no visits. _Nothing_.

There can be only two reasons why I've never heard from him. I thought about it over and over again, and these can be the only possibilities. First, He has received my letters and has chosen to ignore them...for whatever reason-I don't like to think about that. Second, which is my hope-that his grandfather Aro is responsible for blocking all attempts I've tried to contact him.

Edward Mason, Emmy's farther, the love of my life, was basically raised by his grandfather, Aro. Edward's parents both died when he was 7 years old- and Aro become his guardian. His mother's sister was supposed to become his guardian if anything happened to his parent's, but apparently his grandfather begged to look after Edward. At the time of hearing this, I thought-_What a nice man...he misses his son so much he wants to raise their son. _Little did I know that Aro is the cruelest person known to man.

Edward and I met while we were both on vacation in England. I, being my usual clumsy self tripped over thin air and landed on Edward's lap while on the train. We spent the next month traveling around the country together. We were happy and in love...and 22. Anything was possible in our eyes. Even though we didn't live in the same part of the country back home, we knew we would make it work-that was until we actually went back home.

My calls went unanswered and _he _never called me. When I found out I was pregnant a month later I traveled to Chicago to the address Edward gave me back in England-but soon found out I was NOT welcome in the Mason family.

Aro answered the door and told me that Edward never wanted to see or speak to me again. Aro guessed I was there to tell Edward I was carrying his baby and called me a liar and a gold-digger. I proceeded to tell Aro that I didn't believe him-so he hit me where it really counted.

He told me if I truly loved Edward and would leave him alone. Medical school is difficult enough-Edward would never be able to achieve his dreams of becoming a world class surgeon like his father. Aro saw it in my eyes that I would never do anything to stand in the way of Edward's dream.

Aro handed me a half a million dollar check and told me to leave and never come back. He made it perfectly clear just how powerful his family is-he said was that _he has _connections. I didn't want to find out what that meant-so I tucked my tail between my legs and left-but I never stopped writing.

I never wanted to stand in the way of Edward achieving him dream of becoming a doctor-I knew deep down in my bones that he would want to know about his daughter. All during my pregnancy I wrote in a journal-but rather that starting with _Dear Diary, _I began with _Dear Edward. _I wrote down everything and anything. I may have only had Edward in my life for a month, but I knew he'd want to know everything about how I was feeling and what was happening. I pasted sonogram pictures in and pictures my friends took of my growing belly. In all I filled 4 marble notebooks, that I fully intend on giving to Edward if I ever see him again. Perhaps if he reads them, he'll know just how badly I missed him and needed him and loved him....LOVE him.

***

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! It's my birthdayyy!" Emmy sang as she ran into my bedroom. As soon as she flung herself onto the bed I tackled her and began to sing 'Happy Birthday' in my best voice-which isn't that great-but for a three year old it would do.

"When is my party Mommy?" Emmy bounced up and down on my bed. "Where is my present? What did you get me?" Emmy continued her destruction of my mattress while her big green eyes darted around the room in search of her present.

"The party is at lunch time, and your present is....." I made a face as if I forgot to buy her anything...she looked slightly nervous, but she knew I was a sucker and loved buying her things.

"Your present is on the kitchen table waiting to be unwrapped by you." Before I could say anymore Emmy flung herself from the bed and bounded down the stairs.  
I quickly followed after her-the last thing I needed was for her to fall down the stairs and wind up in the hospital.

"Can I open my present now Mommy?" I was surprised she was actually asking rather than just ripping into it. She picked up the giant box on the kitchen table and gave it rattle. It didn't make the sound she was hoping for. She gave me a puzzled look. "You can open it doodle bug."

Emmy didn't waste another second before she tore the paper off the box. Inside held a picture of Disney World. Emmy has been bugging me about going ever since she saw the commercials that play over and over again on the children channels. I haven't been since I was little and actually can't wait to go either.

I had made reservations for 4...I fully intend on bringing my two best friends and Emmy's honorary aunts with us.

The next thing I knew I was falling down backwards with Emmy's arms wrapped around my neck squeezing the life out of me. Emmy was squealing with delight that we were finally going to Disney World.

"When are we going Mommy?" Emmy finally pulled herself off of me and allowed me to right myself.

"We are going in two weeks. ANNNDDDDD Alice and Rosalie are coming with us." Emmy smiled and nodded her head, but I could tell that she had something on her mind. She might only be three years old, but she has a bit of an old soul like me.

"What you thinking about doodle bug?" I could sense that she wanted to say something but wasn't sure if she should.

"Lily went to Disney with her mommy and daddy last summer." She whispered quickly.

"I know, Lily's mommy told me they had so much fun and got to meet all the Princesses."

This isn't the first time that Emmy had questions about where her daddy was, and I always tried to be honest with her, well as honest as I can be with a little girl.

"I wish I had a daddy too." Emmy's eye filled with tears and it broke my heart. This was the only thing I couldn't give her and the one thing she truly wanted.

"Emmy, you do have a daddy."

I never thought it was fair to tell her she didn't have one when she does. I've showed her pictures of Edward and told her everything I knew about him. The only thing I couldn't bring myself to do is promise her that one day she's meet him.

"Do you think daddy misses me?"

"I'll tell you what I think. I think that if your daddy knew where to find us that he'd come in a heart beat. I try everyday to find him, but this is a big planet and there are a lot of people." Emmy snuggled into my lap and I told her just how much she looks like Edward. "You and your daddy have the most beautiful green eyes in the whole world. You have daddy's eyes and daddy's smile. You're the most beautiful little girl in the whole world, you're going to be a little heart breaker when you're older."

Emmy sat quietly in my lap a little longer before she asked to see a picture of her daddy.

I fixed her a bowl of cereal and went into my bedroom to retrieve a picture for her.

I chose one where you could see his eyes and smile best…so she could look at it and remind herself just how much she looks like _her daddy._

"Mommy is daddy a doctor?" She knows he is, but this is her way of wanting me to tell her stories.

"Your daddy is a great doctor and he helps sick people everyday."

"Does he give people shots?" Her eyes widened and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"I'm sure he has to, but I bet he doesn't like it, since it hurts."

Emmy finished her breakfast and looked at the picture I gave her.

"Mommy do you miss daddy?" Emmy looked up from the picture to me. Her eyes were sad looking and I could bare her to me sad on her birthday.

"I love daddy so much and I miss him everyday. Sometimes things happen that you can't control."

I picked Emmy up and brought her to her room. "I named you after your daddy's favorite aunt- Esme. Esme Elizabeth Mason Swan. Mason is daddy's last name and Swan is mine. Elizabeth was daddy's mommy's name and he loved her very much. So I named YOU after two people that your daddy loves."

Emmy's wide smile returned and I wanted it to remain that way.

"Well, missy we have a party to get ready for and a birthday to celebrate. Let's get dressed and go get our nails done."

Emmy ran into her closet and pulled out a pink polo dress. We each had the same dress and I could tell that she wanted to be the same today.

Most of the things in my closet had been picked out by my best friends Alice and Rosalie. They knew more about fashion then me. I enjoyed wearing the clothing that they picked out, but not so much the shopping for it all. I did however LOVE shopping with Emmy. Everything she tried on was so adorable that I couldn't resist indulging.

When I was growing up my parents didn't have too much money, so I grew up seeing the value of a dollar. Money was tighter when my father passed away-but my mother always made sure to save so we could go on a vacation every summer.

When Aro handed me the check for an insane amount of money I saw red. He obviously came from money and had a serious amount. He believed that money could get you whatever you wanted-but not for me.

I kept the check on my desk to remind me to keep my head on my shoulders. I never had any intention of keeping it-I just needed to see it to remind me to keep fighting for Edward. So I wrote.

I wrote letter after letter to Edward.

And I wrote a book, which turned into a series of books. I never in my wildest dream ever thought my little book would turn into what it has become. Who ever thought the world would love a story about a vampire that strives to be good and make up for all the bad things he did in his life. I guess it doesn't hurt that there's a love story in the mix, but the series hasn't reached that point yet.

"Okay Emmy. Let's get our nails and toes done, then we can go do whatever you'd like to do."

"I want to go to the park."

With the success of my books also came financial success-I never dreamed of having a lot of money-but I can say one thing…it doesn't hurt. It can't buy you love or health-but it can give you a nice place to live in a beautiful city.

When Emmy was two we moved into our current home on the Upper East Side. I can't say that I really fit in with the other mothers around, but it's safe neighborhood and close to central park. My mother nearly had a heart attack when she came to see our new place.

My books were highly successful-and I fell in love with this townhouse as soon as I stepped inside. It was ridiculously expensive, but I figured it was worth it. I wanted Emmy to grow up in a nice home and since we lived in New York City, that meant shelling out the money. I've never once regretted buying it. We had plenty of space for when my mother and Phil visited. Emmy had a playroom, which tended to keep the mess centralized there.

The greatest thing about our place is the garden off the dining room. Emmy and I spend countless hours outside in our garden planting and creating the prefect space. And today it would serve as Emmy's birthday spot.

Since it was just a few three year old, Alice and Rose, I bought a little paddle pool for the children to play in.

***

"Emmy, Alice and Rosalie are at the house right now setting everything up for the party, so we should head home soon to get ready for your friends to come over" Emmy took my hand and we headed back to the house.

Alice and Rosalie wanted to decorate for the princess party Emmy wanted to have. I was relived when they offered, one less thing to worry about.

When we arrived I couldn't believe how great the place looked.

"Wow!" I gasped when I saw what the girls did to the garden. "Emmy, you better pick out what you want to wear for the party, your friends will be here very soon."

Emmy nodded her head and scampered to her room.

'I can't believe how amazing it looks out here." I gushed to Alice and Rosalie.

I met my two best friends when we were all in college together. We all attended NYU, which is when we fell in love with NYC. They were there for me when everything happened with Edward and have been amazing Aunts to Emmy.

I've been there for them through heart break as well. We've lived together in a small one bedroom in Manhattan, while we were in college. We've been through everything together and are more like sisters than anything else.

Alice lived with Emmy and me not too son after we moved into this place. Alice had been dating Tyler and were actually living together, when she found him in bed with someone else.

"Are you saying you're surprised?" Rosalie lightly growled. She was currently on a ladder hanging tea lights up.

"That isn't what I meant. I was expecting a disgustingly pink sight when I got home-but now I realize that was would have happened if I was in charge of decorating."

"Thank god we were in charge then." Alice chirped in. She was busy blowing up the paddle pool, which was nearly completely inflated.

"Oh Bella I forgot to mention that my step brother is coming into town this afternoon. I hope you don't mind I gave him your address." Rosalie looked a little guilty and I couldn't understand why.

"So, we finally get to meet this infamous brother of yours Rose. Why isn't we haven't met him before?" Alice had always been a little peeved that we hadn't met Rose's step brother.

"He travels a lot and lives in a different part of the country, and we've never been very close. I usually only see him at Christmas."

"Rose, why would I care that you told your brother to come here? I've been waiting to meet him for years." I told Rosalie-she just shrugged your shoulders.

"Your so cautious with men being around Emmy, that I didn't want to step on your toes." Rosalie confessed, which took me by surprise.

"What? What on earth are you talking about? I just don't want to date and get Emmy's hopes up." I told my friends.

"I know, but I wasn't sure. What if you fall hopelessly in love with my brother?" Rosalie said half serious half mocking.

"Well I'm sure I'm going to love your brother, but not in the way you're implying." I laughed, which caused Alice and Rose to look a little too seriously.

"Bella, are you ever going to try dating again? It's been nearly four years since…you know. Aren't you going insane?" Alice asked a little embarrassed.

"I don't have time to date and I think Emmy is too young to understand if I started dating someone. She asked about her father today and I may have confessed that I love him and am trying to find him for her." I couldn't help but pray everyday that Edward finally found us.

"Are you still writing those letters?" Rosalie asked concerned. Rosalie might be a hard ass, but I think she wanted me to find Edward more than anyone else.

"Yes, but I only write on Emmy's birthday. I stated it last night and will finish it later on and mail it tomorrow."

My friends just nodded their heads and returned to finishing up the final details. I went inside to start the bucket brigade to fill up the pool with warm water.

Alice looked like she was about to say something when the doorbell rang.

"And so it begins…" I called up to Emmy and went to open the door.

The three of us could handle 8 three year olds right?


	2. Losing Hope

**I don't own anything...no harm meant....just playing around with some fun characters**

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"Remind me to never have children!" Alice cried.

She had gone too close to the paddle pool and was now sopping wet. Rosalie and I already found out the hard way to stay clear of the girl near the pool-but we decided to let Alice find out the hard way rather than telling her. She kept tempting fait anyway-she kept going closer and closer to take pictures, it was only a matter for time before she was splashed.

My friends knew my obsession with documenting everything that happens in Emmy's life. I usually take a dozen pictures of her throughout the day. Just another thing that I do just in case Edward ever shows up. I hate that he's missing event in her life and who am I to say what's important and what isn't. So I have pictures---millions of pictures I'm sure-so if by some miracle Edward should show up on my door step this very instant I could show her what she looked like and what she was wearing on January 8th 2009.

"Ugg I'm going to change my clothes Bella-I can't believe that little punk splashed me. Thank heavens I put the water guard on the camera." Alice drew me out of my thoughts. I turned to look at her when the doorbell rang.  
'How odd...I was just thinking about the bell ringing.'

"Okay, you get the door Bells. Rose watch the rugrats and I'll change." Alice turned to head inside from the garden, muttering about never having kids-which we all know is a bold faced lie. Alice loves children and would make a great mother.

The bell rings again and I rush to answer it. It's still too early for parents to be showing up-we still haven't had any cake.

I open the door only to be greeted by a very handsome man. He's very tall and has wavy blonde hair and striking blue eyes.  
"Hi, I'm Jasper, Rosie's southern brother." He flashes me a killer smile and I swoon just for a second. I really don't need to be dazzled by anymore god like men. One was enough for me-and he sill has nothing on the Edward from what I remember. Jeeze can I go 5 seconds without thinking about him?

"I'm Bella," I answer far too long after he introduced himself to me. "I'm so happy to finally meet you! Rosalie has told us so much about you."  
He step inside and I closed the door. "Everyone is outside. I hope you don't mind a gang of three year olds."

"I grew up with Rosie as a teenager-it can't be as bad as that." I giggle, that's true. Rosalie must have been a sweet teenager, I'm sure.

Rosalie was happy to see her brother and rushed to give him a hug. Emmy looked over at Jasper with curious eyes. From where she was she could only see his back. I watched her watch him. Emmy took a few steps closer and gave him the once over-then ever so slowly she walked over to her pile of clothing and removed something. I couldn't see what it was from here but she gave it a good stare. She looked back up at Jasper and placed the paper back under her clothes and shook her head. 'I wonder what that was about.'

"Emmy come over and meet Aunt Rosalie's brother Jasper." I called over to Emmy, who seemed to be a little shy at the moment. She tended to be shy around new people, like me-but once she got to know and like someone-they were her best friend.

"Hello little darling. Happy Birthday!" Jasper drawled like a true southerner. I could tell that he was making the accent thicker than usual just to get a smile from Emmy.  
"Hi," Emmy squeaked.  
"Aren't you sweet. And how old are you today, 5?" Jasper teased her.  
"No silly I'm three!" Emmy held up three fingers. This afternoon she asked me how many fingers is three and I showed her. She wanted to be able to show everyone how many fingers she is.  
"Three years old! My, my you are so big for three." Rosalie rolled her eyes and elbowed her brother.  
"Jasper, stop charming three year olds. You're too sweet for your own good." Rosalie pulled Emmy up into her lap. Rosalie has admitted to desperately wanting a little girl of her own one day. Any chance Rose gets to play with Emmy she takes.

"So little lady what kind of birthday party is this anyway." Jasper asked Emmy ignoring his sister.  
"A princess party. See all the pink?" Emmy waved her arms around and Alice and Rose's handy work.

Jasper nodded his head and looked around the garden. Just then Alice stepped outside dressed in a bikini top and a pair of shorts. I swear Jasper's jaw dropped open when he saw Alice.

Alice slowly made her way over to the three of us standing on the other side from the door. Emmy rejoined her friends and didn't notice Alice and Jasper's heated stare.

"Alice, this is my brother Jasper. Jasper this is my friend Alice." Rosalie introduced them, but I think I was the only one that heard her because the next thing we know Jasper is kissing Alice's hand and introducing himself.  
Rosalie and I just looked at each other flabergasted. Alice on the other hand was leaning into Jasper and whispering something into his ear that neither of us could hear.

The remainder of the party Alice and Jasper sat at the table and chit-chatted together while Rose and I watched from the side lines. We had attempted to join in on the conversation, but felt like outsiders in their intimate moment. I had never seen Alice so enamored by a man, not even Tyler-she had it bad.

It was the same look that Edward and I used to have all those years ago. 'Fuck Bella...you really need to stop thinking about him. It was years ago and it only lasted ONE month. It was really time to move on.'

Jasper left after only being there for a few hours. He needed to check into his hotel and get some rest-he had flown in from Italy and exhausted. Rose and I teased Alice that she wasn't accompanying his to the hotel. She just acted like she had no idea what we were taking about.

The party was winding down and a few kids had already been picked up. Five hours is a long ass birthday party. The parents should be paying me for giving them the afternoon to themselves.  
Emmy looked absolutely exhausted by the time the last child left. Since she had the party, she skipped her afternoon nap and from now on it was my duty to make sure she didn't fall asleep between now and bed time.

I allowed Emmy to eat cake for dinner, since she wasn't all that hungry and I didn't have it in me to make anything once we had finally finished cleaning up.

By the time 8pm rolled around Emmy was ready for bed and had almost fallen sleep several different times. It took three adults to entertain one three year so she wouldn't fall asleep.

"Well, the little creature is finally in bed. I swear the second her head hit the pillow she was snoring."  
"I can't believe that such a little person can snore so loudly. It truly is amazing. She better fix that problem before she starts dating." Alice teased my poor daughter.  
"Hey, she just turned three. Let's hold off on the dating talk for a few more years." I gave Alice the stink eye.  
"Speaking of dating and weirdness. What was going on between you and my brother, huh Ali?" Rosalie had been dying to find out what was happening, but didn't want to mention it in front of Emmy.

"Serious Rosalie, I'm a little angry at you." Alice pointed her finger at Rose, and Rose looked at me for clarification. "How dare you not introduce me to my soul mate until now, I've know you for 7 years and finally you let me meet him."

Rosalie's eyes and my eyes for that matter popped out of our heads at Alice's admission.

"Your what now?" Rose asked...clearly confused.

"My soul mate. Jasper is the one, I can feel it. The moment I saw him, a feeling coursed through my body…I can't explain it." Alice had a day dreamy look on her face. Neither Rose or I could contain for laughter.

"I can explain it Ali. That feeling you speak of…well…that was your vajay-jay talking. You want his peen." I shocked both my friends from my bold words.

Rosalie covered her ears and began humming 'When the Saints Go Marching On'.

"Excuse you Bella-but do you really want to go there? Are you ready to finally talk about who is and who isn't getting any?" Alice gave me the knowing look. I had avoided this conversation for years.

"Ali is right Bella. How is it that you've lasted nearly 4 years without getting any? Are you like saving yourself for when this Eddie guy finally shows?" Rosalie uncovered her ears…because this is something she really wanted to hear about.

"I'm not saving myself for him! First of all, I could hardly date while I was preggers. That's why women have babies while they are married-they are guaranteed to have someone around to scratch the itch. And you know I don't like bring men around Emmy."

"You don't need to bring this men home. Ali and I would be more than happy to watch her while our friend got some much needed scratching." Rosalie laughed at my choice of words.

"I'm not the kind of girl to just sleep with anyone, slut." I threw a pillow at Rose. Rosalie wasn't that type of girl either, but it was fun to tease her. She was almost as nearly as picky as me.

"No, you're just the type of girl that gets knocked up in a foreign country with her summer fling!" Alice joked. My eyes widened at her comment-I've never really looked at it that way before…but it was true.

"Oh my GOD! You're right! I am one of those girls…he was probably thinking 'sweet, lots of sex while on vacation…' Little did he know that I'd get pregnant and harass him for years about his daughter that he's never met." What started out as a little joke had taken a complete turn. I always just assumed that his feelings matched mine. He had told me that he loved me all those years ago, but maybe that was just away of getting in my pants whenever he wanted.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I was just kidding. I didn't mean it." I could tell that Alice genuinely felt bad for what she said, but I was glad. I needed to hear that. It was time to let him go.

"No Alice, you were right. I need to let him go. I can't spend my life hoping that he'll show up one day. These letters I write him-God what must he think every time one shows up?" I could feel the tears forming in my eyes.

"Listen to me Bella. From what you told me, I can feel it. Edward doesn't know about Emmy or the letters. I just have this feeling, I can't explain it." Alice gave us a look not to crack jokes, she was serious. "One day he's going to come, and everything will work out." Alice nodded her head, as if to strengthen her thoughts.

"Alice is right. And fuck him if does know and doesn't care. I say send the damn letters. One day that bastard grandfather has to croak and Edward will finally get the letters."

"No. I can't do it anymore. It isn't fair to Emmy- keeping her hopes up that her dad will just show up one day and make all her dreams come true."

I hung my head. I really didn't want to tell them what I did today, but I can't keep secrets, even if they are my own.

"I gave Emmy a picture of her dad today." It was just like I expected-their eyes bugged out of their heads, but didn't say anything.

"I caught her looking at the picture when Jasper showed up- I think she was assessing whether or not Jasper was her dad."

"Well, I think it's great that Emmy knows what her dad looks like. There's no need for her to grow up hating him. I think you should continue telling her nice things about her father…you never know. Miracles happen every day." Alice spoke with authority. I needed mine my friends giving me advice on how to raise my daughters…I liked to think of it as a joint effort-one person can't do it alone.

"But you need to start dating Bella. Don't bring men home-but don't hide Emmy away. She can meet your friends-there's nothing wrong with that."

"And what man wants to date a 26 year old with a toddler?" I asked my friends. It wasn't like I hate suitors lined up at the door.

"Trust me Bella, you won't have a hard time finding men that want to date you. Your so oblivious. You can be dressed in sweats, with stains on your shirt carrying Emmy and men still stop and stare." Rosalie often told me that I don't see myself clearly, but I hardly believe her.

'Whatever, I'll think about it." I said dismissively. "Let's talk about something else." I was sick of thinking and talking about Edward and all the 'what ifs.' First order of business…STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM SO MUCH.

"Jasper is taking me out on a date tomorrow afternoon." Alice said changing the subject…somewhat.

"Like a day date?" I asked.

"F U Swan. Can you go one day without referencing 'Just Friends'? I get it it's a funny movie." Rosalie mocked me, but she was just as bad at quoting movies far too often.

"Whatever, I'm taking him sight seeing. I'm excited." Alice said, but I could tell that she was lost in thought about Jasper, and not fully in to the here and now.

"Well, I have something to tell you both. It's been going on awhile, and I think its time to say something." Rosalie announced cryptically.

"OOOO, Do you have a secret boyfriend? Because if you do then I'll really be pissed at you. That's not something you should keep from your best friends." Alice went from bouncing in her seat to death glare at Rose.

No, I don't have a boyfriend, but I do sort of have a boy problem."

"Seriously, Rose, spit it out." Rose was acting weird…weirder than usual.

"Well, there's this guy that walks by the store window, like every day that I'm working. I don't really know how long it's been going on, but it looks as if he wants to come in and say something to me…but doesn't."

"Maybe your hot looks intimidate him." Alice laughed in her un-lady-like way. Alice was like a fairy in everyway, except when she found something really funny. She snorts and has a deep belly laugh that is the opposite of how a pixie should behave.

"Yeah, Rosie! Maybe he thinks you're a model and wants to date you." I teased her about her nickname from Jasper. Rosalie hates being called anything other than Rosalie or Rose.

"You should see this guy! He reminds me of a bear-but a really hot bear that I want to take home." Rosalie blushed. Rose never really falls for a guy…but history and all that.

Rose hasn't been with a guy in nearly two year-being nearly raped tends to put you off men for a while. Thankfully Rose escaped a terrible situation before the horror could take place, but she's been traumatized-she'll know when she's ready to put herself out there again.

"OOOO, I think Rosie has a little bit of a crush!" Alice was loving this-Rose has been picking on her since Jasper left…now it's her turn.

"Well, I don't know what to do. On one hand he's a bit of a creeper for walking by everyday like that. And on the other…he's really adorable, you know for a grizzly."

"So be the sexy and confident Rosalie that we all know you to be and the next time you see him walk right up to him and say 'hi'." I advised Rosalie- if I had to put myself out there I wasn't going to go it alone.

***

After the girls left for the night and helped me clean up from the party they left me to my thoughts.

I still hadn't finished the letter I started from last night, and I didn't know if I wanted to anymore.

What if he was receiving the letters and hating me a little more and more each time he saw one in the mail. That would just kill me.

Perhaps it's time to just let go-but how do I do it?

How do I just forget the person I love and the father to my precious daughter and find someone else?

When Alice was describing how she felt about Jasper I wanted to tell her that I knew exactly what she's talking about.

Edward was love at first sight-the pull we felt towards one another was undeniable. He told me himself-but how I seem to be doubting everything he ever said to me.

He never called me! I gave him my number, he could have called me. He said he would, but never once did I hear anything from him.

I sat at my desk and looked down at my unfinished letter. This was the end. Even if he never reads or knows of my letters, I have to finish this last one and end things.

This will be the only way of finding any closer and I need it.

I tell Edward all about how Emmy and I started our day. Where we went and did before the party started. I even told him about all of Emmy's questions about her father.

I told Edward what a wonderful party it was and how happy his daughter looked taking a bite right out of the cake.

Finally I told Edward that I wouldn't write to him again and apologized if he was in fact reading these and hated being bothered. I promised to stay out of him life for good, but to continue to tell his daughter what a wonderful father she has even though she'll never get to meet him.

I couldn't stop the tears from falling out of my eyes onto the paper. Some of the words smudged but I didn't have the will to rewrite any of it.

Nearly 4 years ago my heart broke after Aro turned me away at the door.

Now my heart was breaking all over again, only this time it was a earth shattering break. This time all my hope had been taken away-and HOPE is a very powerful thing.


	3. Bella Letting Go

**This is just a short chapter. But I need to let you know what's going on with Bella. Next will be Edward's POV and Rosalie's --**

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**__**BPOV**_

_This is getting ridiculous Rosalie. She's been carrying that damn picture around all week. When I gave it to her I didn't think this was going to happen." _

_Emmy has been carting Edward's picture around with her everywhere. _She keeps it under her pillow at night and in her pocket during the day.

"Well…it's the only thing she has that reminds her on him-It's kinda cute."

Rose had come over to take Emmy for a stroll through the park. She knew I was in desperate need of some me time. We were all leaving for Disney in 5 days, and I had a few things to take care of before we left.

"It's really hard not think to think about him when I see is picture 100 times a day." All I wanted was to get him out of my head for a few hours, and that was proving to be extremely hard.

"Alice and I told you. You don't need to focus on forgetting about him, just allow yourself to become immune to hearing about him or seeing his picture. He is Emmy's father, and since you've basically told her all about him, you can't now refuse to talk about him."

Damn Rosalie Hale and her wisdom.

"I know, I know. It would crush Emmy if I told her to stop asking me about him-even though I don't know the answers to the questions she's asking."

"What does she want to know?"

Thankfully Emmy was upstairs picking out the perfect park outfit and couldn't hear this conversation.

"Everything. What his favorite food is, color, holiday. She literally wants to know it all, and I just don't know."

Just then we hear the pitter patter of little feet coming down the stairs.

Rosalie gave me a look telling me this conversation was far from over.

"Ready to go play in the park little one?" Rosalie excitedly asked Emmy. Emmy nodded her head and grabbed Rose's hand.

"Bye Mommy!" Emmy shouted as they walked out the door.

It had been a week since Emmy's birthday. Since I was officially 'letting Edward go' or whatever this was.

I finished my letter-sealed it in an envelope and addressed it. I sent it out the next day, just as I had always done and walked to my room.

I gave myself one night. One night to cry and that was it. I wasn't going to allow anyone to see me upset-One night to let it all out.

I honestly don't know if I've ever cried that much in my life. Some point during the night I slipped into a coma and didn't wake the next morning until 10am.

Emmy was sitting on my bed with a pile of books and the TV on-just letting me be.

That was the end of my melt down. I wasn't going to allow Emmy to see me upset-there would be too many questions.

As I made breakfast for us I mentally prepared for the questions that were sure to come-and they did. Emmy started the questions about her father over breakfast and hasn't really stopped.

She can be playing in the other room and suddenly she'll come in with a new question. The flood gates have opened-and I don't see an end in sight. I just wish I knew the answers to the questions. It's like the universe is using my daughter to tell me '_you've been in love with someone you don't actually know anything about'_. I wish I knew the answers for my daughter as well as myself.

***

While Rosalie had Emmy out for the afternoon, I was going to take full advantage of it.

First I was going to my Bikram yoga class, which kept me in shape. I'm not coordinated enough for jogging-so I figured that yoga was safe for me. There's no props used that could somehow be thrown from my hands or any fast movements that could land me in the hospital.

Unfortunately, Emmy I think has inherited my gracefulness. She tends to fall more than the other children I see running around-so I've set a plan in motion to help her out in life-before it gets too bad it take on a life of it's own like for me.

Once a week Emmy and I take a mommy and me yoga class, I figured maybe yoga will calm her movements and won't turn into a spaz like I was at her age.

Alice has also been bugging me to come into her store and try a few things on for our vacation. Apparently my clothes from last summer aren't good enough to wear-she'd threatened to but all my clothes in Goodwill if I didn't, so I was planning on stopping there after yoga.

We were also hoping to catch a glimpse of this of this handsome bear that Rosalie can't stop thinking about. Ever since she's told us about him, Alice and I have been hanging around hoping to see him-but somehow he's managed to only walk by when it's just Rosalie there. He must be well versed in when Rose works and doesn't work…which it kind of stalkerish. Rosalie still hasn't grown the balls to make the first move and talk to him. Which is fine because I haven't made any plans on dating anyone either.

Alice and Jasper on the other hand as decided to stick around New York longer than he was planning on. They were actually really cute together and I could see it in his eyes that he cares for Alice just as much if not more than she does for him.

Rosalie and I had dinner with the tow of them a few nights ago and I got to know Jasper better-and I just loved him. He was brilliant and interesting and really funny. Despite his good looks he was actually shy, but it seems that Alice is just who he needs to bring him out of his shell. And in turn Jasper calms Alice down-which I've never seen happen.

Once Rosalie and stalker boy finally grew some it would be the odd man out-and that terrified me. I didn't want to be stuck where I was-I want to move on, but I'm scared of how Emmy will react. Emmy wants her father and if I brought a man around-how would she react?


	4. Edward comes to NYCRosalie meets Bear

**I don't own anything Twight...just mesing with their world.**

**Tell me what you think.**

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**EPOV**

"You wanted to see me grandfather?"

"Yes, Edward I would like to talk to you about where you are going to complete your residency?"

"I thought I already told you, I'm planning on going to New York City. I've already been accepted to the program at Lenox Hill."

"And I thought I made it clear that I want you to stay in Chicago. I'm getting older and need you around."

"I've stayed in Chicago long enough. Aunt Esme and Uncle Carlisle are close by if you need anything. I think I've sacrificed enough for a 26 year old."

"If it wasn't for me you never would have graduated from medical school in the first place. Letting some girl that never cared for you to cloud your head."

Aro was starting to get angry now-any time he mentions _her_, hegets out all bent out of shape-and if I'm being honest…so do I.

"I'm going to be working 80 hours a week, I won't have time for anything anyway. You don't have to worry about me meeting anyone."

"Well, if you won't stay for me, at least stay for Tanya."

Tanya…the bane of my existence. My grandfather was hell bent on me marrying her, and she seemed to be on board.

"I don't love Tanya, and I never will. So why would I stay here for her. I'd rather put the mile between us, maybe then she might take the hint."

"Maybe she'd take the hint if you stopped finding your way into her bed."

My entire body tensed. How did he know about that?

Aro seemed pleased with himself-he always seemed to know everything.

"I haven't slept with her in over a year." I haven't slept with anyone in over a year.

"Tanya is a good match for you. She obviously cares for you and wouldn't hurt you."

That hurt. It was embarrassing enough to get dicked over, but it was another for your entire family to know about it.

Bella Swan. Once known as the love of my life, now known as the bitch that broke me. Apparently she broke me…that's what everyone says so I guess it must be true.

One minute I'm in love, the next thing I know she was just fucking with me the entire time.

I met Bella in England on vacation. We were both traveling the country after graduating from undergraduate and just clicked-or so I thought.

She told me she loved me and we made love countless times. But when I arrived home after it tearing me apart to separate from her, I tried calling the number she gave me- it didn't work.

At first I thought it must have been a mistake, but no, matter how many times I called it wasn't her number. To say I was hurt would be an understatement. It didn't make any sense. I had her address, and so decided to write her a letter. I would have visited her, but school was starting and just could leave at the moment. I decided that once she wrote back explaining why she gave me a wrong number I would visit the first chance I got.

I still had hope that it was all a mistake. I knew she loved me and just wanted to talk to her and clear everything up.

It wasn't a week later that I finally received a letter from her, but it didn't say what I was hoping it would.

Apparently, we were just a fling. She had someone back home and asked me to stop bothering her. It wasn't a mistake, she gave me the wrong number and didn't want to talk to me ever again. She thanked me for giving her a fun time in England and she wished me the best in life.

Bitch. I've never hated anyone so much in my life. I went from loving her completely to hating her.

From then on I've had a little difficulty trusting women. I never wanted to get close and be hurt like that again.

Aunt Esme kept telling me that it all must be a misunderstanding. She's always been a hopeless romantic…but once I showed her the letter, she stopped talking to me about it. But I still know she thinks it all seems fishy.

"Listen grandfather. I'm going to New York in a few days. I'll be staying with Emmett while I look for an apartment. I'm going and there isn't anything you can do about it."

I turned and walked out of his study. I heard him muttering something about talking to me later, but there wasn't anything he could say or do that would change my mind.

I was the only one in the family that was close to Aro. My aunt Esme was his daughter, but they didn't have a good relationship. Apparently he tried to keep her from Carlisle, which I don't understand. Carlisle was like a father to me, seeing as my father had died when I was only 6 years old. I lived with Aro, but Esme and Carlisle were my parents. Emmett and I have always been close, and I missed him ever since he moved to New York.

Emmett didn't become a doctor like Aro wanted him to be…he followed his own dreams. Aro wanted me to become a lawyer, but seeing Carlisle everyday saving people, I knew that was my calling. I also followed in my mother's footsteps and excelled in piano. Apart from medicine and piano, I didn't have time for a social life, which was fine with me.

I mistakenly slept with Tanya awhile back- it was all part of my plan to forget about Bella. When the first opportunity to sleep with someone had arisen , I had a little…umm…problem. I told the girl I had too much to drink and bolted from her place.

After that it became my mission to fuck Bella out of my system. Which brought me to the next problem…I was terrible at talking with girls.

Emmett and I both suffer from the same problem. We might be good looking but we get very nervous around women. When I met Bella…I was nervous as hell, but there was an ease about her that calmed me, and I was able to be myself around her. It took me no time to fall head over heels in love with her, which bit me in the ass in the end.

Ever since Bella I've wanted to get her out of my system, but I couldn't muster up the will to sweet talk anyone-well a few women apparently didn't mind not talking…Tanya included.

I went up to my room to finish packing and call Emmett.

"Hey doc what's up?"

"Just finished having a lovely chat with grandfather- he's pissed that I'm coming to new York."

"Fuck him…why do you even listen to him anyway- you're the only one."

"You know why Em. But I don't want to talk about it. I'll be arriving in JFK on Monday at 11am…so think you can handle picking my ass up?"

"Sure, no problem. Where are you looking for a place anyway?"

Emmett lived on the upper west side, which is where Lenox Hill hospital is located so I figured that would be a good place to start looking.

"I guess near the hospital, I want to have as little of a commute as possible."

"Cool, you could always just live with me. I have an extra bedroom."

Emmet had made this offer before, and it was tempting but I just needed my own space.

"Thanks man, but I've been living with someone my whole life. I need to be on my own for awhile."

"So is Aro going to cut you off once you move to New York?"

"He hasn't mentioned it, but I'm going to be paying my own way from now on. I'm just going to have to get by on my salary from the hospital and make due."

"HAHA good luck, you've had a nice little cozy life. It's going to be a major change. Mom and Dad still help me out with some things. New York is crazy expensive."

"Yeah, I know…my life really blows."

I really needed to get out of this house. Lately I've been feeling like I'm turning into more of a person like Aro than who I want to be. I need to get over my trust issues and move on with my life.

***

"So what do you want to do first?"

Just as promised Emmett had picked me up from the airport on time. I envied his life- he had much more freedom than I'll be having for the next several years of my life.

My residency was starting in 2 months, August, and it was going to be hell. 80 hour weeks and one day off…thank god I was already use to having no life, so it won't be as if I have to give anything up.

"What do you usually do on a Monday?"

"Well, I usually have a client in the morning and not again until the late afternoon. Mondays are usually slow, since everyone is getting back into their work week. Tomorrow on the other hand is busy."

Emmett worked as a personal trainer at a gym in Upper East Side-hence he made quite a bit of money. Emmett's parents supported him-while Aro disowned him. Emmett's name was removed from the will, which made Emmett happier than anything else.

"Alright, well let's grab something to eat and take a walk through the park. I need to stretch my legs."

In the end we ended up walking through the park and just grabbing a hot dog from a vendor.

"So I've sort of met someone." Emmett broke our silence.

"What's sort of mean?" Poor Emmett…girl usually threw themselves at him, but he was just like me…he didn't know what to say. In college Emmett had a serious girlfriend, that he was crazy about…but something happened. He's never really talked about it, but from what I gather, she cheated on him big time.

"She works in this clothing store down in the west village. I noticed her there a few months ago, but still haven't worked up the nerve to actually go into the store and approach her."

"So you met someone you like to stalk?"

This was odd even for Emmett.

"Fuck you, you should see this girl, she's beautiful. She looks like a freaking model. I keep trying to think of reasons to go into the store, but I got nothing. Ugg why does it have to be a women's clothing store?"

Emmett complained…I truly felt sorry for him.

We continued to walk around Central Park and thought of ways Emmett could approach the unapproachable women.

"Holy hell…no way. This can't be happening." Emmett starting stuttering. He completely stopped walking where we were headed. I looked around for what could possibly be causing this reaction.

"What? What is it?" I asked frantically looking around.

"It's her…_the girl…_and she has a kid." Emmett started cursing under his breath-he nodded his head towards a beautiful blonde women pushing a stroller. She was the only one that I saw with a child, so I assumed it must be her.

"Shit, she's walking right towards us…this is this the worst day of my life."

Emmett looked around like he was trying to find somewhere to hide-but instead of hiding he just stood in place, while she walked closer and closer towards us.

**RPOV**

Emmy and I were having a lovely day walking around the park. We ended up in the playground and she made a few new friends.

She also talked my ear off about her father. Emmy proudly showed me the picture that she now carried around with her. She asked me a few question about him, but I just smiled and told her that I'd never met her dad, but that he looked like a great person and she looked a lot like him.

Poor Bella, I don't think Alice or I ever really understood just how hard this is for her, but after spending the day talking about him, I can imagine how suck ass it must be for her.

I tried my best to keep Emmy's mind off her father-which I think tired her out. Poor little girl was begging to get back into her stroller. I think she was in it all of 5 minutes before she was asleep.

I didn't know what to do, so I just kept walking around the park. I couldn't pull my mind from the guy that walks by the store. Alice said that's she's never noticed anyone walking by all the time, so I think he must know when I'm there and when I'm not. This should really send warning bells off in my head, but there's just something about him that tells me that he's harmless.

Alice and Bella have told me just to go for it and the next time I see him I should just go for it. Since he didn't seem to be taking the first step, then I should.

As I pushed Emmy around aimlessly I resolved myself that the next time I saw Bear (which was his new nickname-thanks to Alice) I would walk right up to him and say hello.

Bella mentioned visiting Alice at her store later on, and so I figured I would head there myself. That would give Emmy a nice long nap, seeing as I had to walk all the way down there. Which didn't bother me-I loved to walk…that was my exercise. I hated routines and classes…so I walked. Bella hated me that all I had to do was walk to keep in shape, while Alice was just naturally skinny.

I was in my own little world thinking about our upcoming trip to Disney, which, seemed like fun in theory…if we were 12, but I was in-anything for this little girl…when I noticed a very large man standing directly in my path unmoving.

As I drew closer I noticed that it was Bear. I couldn't believe it-what are the chances that of all the men in Manhattan I run into him just after I decide to talk to him. I think I'm starting to believe Alice and all her cosmic destiny love bullshit.

'Well it's now or never Rose…here goes nothing." I gave myself a little pep talk.

He was standing next to another guy-they had both turned their backs towards me…but I didn't let that stop me. I deserved to know why he frequently graced our window.

I straightened my shoulders and stopped right behind him. I could tell that he knew I was there, but was going to chose to ignore me. The second I tapped him on the shoulder they both turned around. I barely glanced at his friend…I had something to say to Bear and I was going to say it before I lost my nerve.

He just looked at me…all innocent…like he was waiting for the shit storm that was sure to come.

"Well Hello…funny to see you here. I thought you just hung out in the West Village."

Still he said nothing…he just downcast his eyes…I kind of felt bad for him…but I was grabbing life by the horns. Thankfully Emmy was still sleeping…I could never do this in front of her-Bella would kill me.

"So I told myself the next time I see you I was going to introduce myself…and here you are. So, I'm Rosalie Hale…incase you were wondering who you stalk." He flinched at my words.

"Listen I'm…really…uuu…sorry. I didn't mean to bother you. I promise not to…I'll stop walking by ok?" He looked from me to the stroller then to his friend.

HUH? He must think that Emmy's my daughter…I was about to inform him that she was my friends daughter when I took in his friend's appearance.

I'm pretty sure my eyes popped out of my head… "Holy Fuck…it's you." I said to Edward who was standing in front of me looking utterly confused.

"You know her?" Emmett's voice was accusing…and I couldn't understand why.

"What? I have no idea who the hell you are." Edward looked from me to Bear.

"Shit" I cursed remembering just who was hanging out in the stroller and wouldn't hesitate to greet her daddy.

Quickly I spun the stroller around and was just about to leave when Edward grabbed my arm.

"How do you know who I am?" Oh crap…this was not how I envisioned my day going.

"I don't…I thought you were someone else." I tried to leave again but was stopped again.

"Listen I'm sorry, I'm Emmett and I honestly didn't know you are married, so I'll stop walking by your job."

"I'm not married…but I've really got to get out of here…so…" I pulled my arm out of Edward's grip. He let go, but he was still giving me the once over.

"Sorry I just figured since you have a kids and all." Emmett waved his hand towards Emmy and I once again made sure that they couldn't see her. Well, more that she couldn't see them in case she woke up. Edward must have noticed me blocking the stroller with my body because he looked at me funny.

"Oh…umm…this is my friends kid. I'm just walking her around the park."

Something inside of me snapped. Here I was making sure Emmy wouldn't meet her father…when he was standing right here…like he didn't have a daughter that he should be taking care of. He should be the one taking her to the park when Bella wants to go to yoga and have some alone time.

I wasn't about to tell him straight out that this is his daughter but perhaps allowing him to figure out I'm Bella's friend might set the ball in motion.

_Fuck…I'm going to Hell._

"So Rosalie…who did you think I was?" Edward questioned…he still wasn't satisfied with my lie.

"You just looked familiar. Who are you anyway?"

He was really getting on my nerves.

What are the chances that he knows Emmett…formally known as Bear.

"I'm Edward Mason, Emmett's cousin."

'_Esme' _I whispered…but clearly not low enough since they both seemed to hear me. _Shit…now I'm really screwed._

"Esme? How did you know that's my mother's name?" Emmett asked me…great…my big mouth was really getting me in trouble today. I must have really pissed out the cosmos…I was paying for something.

"I don't…that just happens to be her name." I motioned towards Emmy.

I really needed to get the hell out of here before Emmy woke up…Bella would never forgive me for that happening. She wanted Edward to know about Emmy…but I don't think she envisioned me telling him while I was with her daughter.

"Serious? I've never met another Esme." Emmett took a step to walk around me to see Emmy, but I blocked him.

"She's sleeping…and I really have to go." I turned around before either of them could stop me. "I was nice meeting you." I called over my shoulder as I bolted from the worst moment of my life.

Little did I know that Emmy had fallen asleep holding the picture of her father and it had come lose when she fell asleep.

**EPOV**

The encounter with Rosalie was odd to say the least. Emmett and I just watched her flee from us like her pants were on fire.

Emmett and I both saw a piece of paper fall from the stroller and Emmett walked over to pick it up.

He just stared at it while I made my way over towards him slowly.

Rosalie had defiantly known me from somewhere…but then changed her mind and said I reminded her of someone.

Emmett continued to looked at whatever Rosalie had dropped.

"Well, at least you know her name and that she's available-but I might suggests looking for someone new…she seemed a little off bro."

Emmett didn't say anything he just shoved the paper at me.

"What? What is it?" He looked as if he'd seen a ghost.

As I held the paper I realized it was a picture and not just any picture is was a picture of me. _WHAT THE FUUUUUCKKKK???_

I looked up at Emmett, but of coarse he didn't know why she would have this.

"How the hell does she have a picture of me?" Who the hell was this women…I've never met her in my life. She was beautiful just as Em described…I would have remembered meeting her.

"Dude…didn't you see? This feel from the stroller…like where the kid was sitting." he looked at me like this should mean something to me…but I was coming up empty.

"Well…when was this picture taken? Where were you?"

I studied the picture and it all came flooding in…Bella.

"Bella" I whispered.

"Bella? As in England Bella?" Emmett questioned. I just nodded…I didn't know what to say…what does this mean? "Do you know where she lives?"

"Florida." I just shook my head. "Where does Rosalie work?"

***

"So how are we going to figure out where Bella lives by questioning Rosalie's co-workers?" Emmett and I were in a cab on our way to wear Rosalie works.

"That's the only thing I can think of. They must know who she's friends with…they might know Bella."

I couldn't even begin to think what this means…all I could comprehend was how angry I was. Emmett could sense that I didn't want to analyze what the picture means…so he didn't tackle that topic.

"Ok, we're here. She works in 'Pixie'." Emmett pointed to the store across the street.

"Here we go." I muttered more to myself than Emmett.

Emmett paid the cabby and we crossed the street.

The store was empty, except for one small women re-arranging the clothing on tables.

"Do you know her?" I asked Emmett…maybe with all his stalking he noticed Rosalie hanging out with her.

"I've seen here there before….but that's about it." Emmett looked nervous as hell…so was I but I needed to do this. How could I just go about my day and ignore what happened in the park.

Emmett walked in first. A little bell went off telling the girl that someone was entering her store.

She turned around and looked pleased to see us…little did she know that we were here to question the fuck out of her.

She seemed to be staring at Emmett and not really paying attention to me at all.

"OHHH…are you they guy that walks by to see Rosalie?" The tiny women clasped her hands together and looked like she was about to explode with excitement.

Apparently Rosalie noticed Emmett and his stalking and told her friends about him.

Emmett nervously rubbed the back of his neck as he just 'uummm'ed.

"You must be…you're just as she described. She's not here right now…I'm Alice by the way. This is my shop…so welcome."

She seemed like a very friendly person…she must know Bella…

"Actually, we came in to see if you knew some of Rosalie's friends?" Emmett asked timidly.

Alice gave us a strange look. She didn't seem to happy with our order of business.

"Who are you?" Alice stopped her bouncing and stood tall…well tall for her-she couldn't be more than 5 foot.

"I'm Emmett…and this…this is…uuummm…." Emmett looked to me. He wasn't sure if he should say my name…afraid of her reaction.

"Who are you?" Alice turned her attention towards me, forgetting about Emmett.

Here goes nothing…

"I'm Edward…we ran into Rosalie in the park and she dropped this," I handed over the picture, her eyes widened as she looked from me to the picture…back to me. "We came here to find out if you know Bella Swan?"

"What?" Alice squeaked out. She kept looking over her shoulder towards the dressing room.

"Do you know Bella Swan…she seems to be a friend of Rosalie." I asked again, this time with a little more authority in my voice. I was actually surprising myself.

Before Alice could answer someone called from the dressing room.

"Alice…I don't know if this dress fits me properly." I know that voice. That's the voice of the women that broke my heart….and has a lot of explaining to do.

Bella come walking out of the dressing room wearing white dress that hugged her in all the right places. She was just as beautiful as I remember and all my feelings for her came rushing back.

She was looking down at her phone and hadn't noticed me standing next to her friend.

"Rosalie has called me like 20 times…" She finally looked up her phone.

Bella dropped her phone when her eye met mine.

I was torn…torn between screaming my head off at her or taking her in the back and showing her just how much I've missed her.

"I think that dress fits you perfectly…especially since you've had a child."

My words were said with venom. She looked as if I just sucker punched her. I guess she knows how it feels now.

She didn't say anything…she just continued to stare at me.

Alice handed Bella the photo I had shoved at her just a few minutes ago. Bella took the photo in confusion…I could see the tears welling up…part of my wanted to hold her and wipe them away…but I needed answers…and I wasn't going to get them unless I remained strong.

"Rosalie dropped that on her walk with your daughter."

"You met Emmy?" She finally talked. Alice and Emmett had silently excused themselves. I noticed that Alice had turned the CLOSED on…she was at least thoughtful.

"No I didn't meet her. She was sleep…and Rosalie went out of her way to keep her out of view." Everything coming out of my mouth was said with such anger.

"Why did she have my picture Bella?"

Bella moved to sit down on the couch…she looked as if she was about to faint.

"I don't know what to say." Bella said quietly ringing her hands.

"You don't know what to say?" I said a little louder than I meant to. Once again Bella flinched. "You have a daughter?" I asked because I was scared to ask the question I needed to ask.

Bella nodded her head, still not looking at me. I noticed that she wasn't wearing a wedding ring…which made me more happy than I care to admit.

"How old is she?" Once again avoiding the real question.

"She just turned 3 a few days ago." Three years old…well here come my next question.

"Is she…is she mine?" More tears fell from Bella's eyes, but finally she looked up at me and not at her damn hands.

"Yes, she's your daughter."

I sprung to my feet. How is this happening? She kept my daughter from me for three years.

I starting pacing the store, thinking of what I wanted to say.

"Three? She's three years old and I'm just finding out about this?" I shouted. "You didn't think that I had the right to know? How dare you keep something like this from me!" Bella's head shot up to mine and she looked broken.

"You didn't get my letters." She said quietly. It wasn't a question…she was saying it more to herself.

"I got your fucking letter. I got the letter telling me to stay out of your life. That I didn't mean anything to you." I spat at her. Good, now I wasn't the only one broken.

"What?" Bella stood up…obviously confused at my words.

"I wrote you when we got home, because you gave me a bogus phone number. You wrote me back telling me I wasn't more than a fling and there was someone else in your life. Tell me Bella did he dump you when he realized that you got fucked on your trip to Europe-that it wasn't his child?"

Bella's mouth hung open at my statement. I saw it in her eyes…she was about to let me have it. I finally crossed the line.

I wasn't ready to hear what she had to say…why should I give her the opportunity to explain herself now…she's had three years…nearly four…

"Save it Bella. Nothing you say can change the fact that you kept this from me. You took away my right…I deserved to know that I have a daughter." Bella closed her mouth-that shut her up. "I don't know what I want to do. I can't deal with this right now."

I didn't give her a chance to speak. I knew that if she began talking I wouldn't have the strength to leave. I needed some time to think through everything that happened.

I have a three year old daughter that I know nothing about- and I hate her mother.

How could I possibly do any of this?

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**Poor Edward...so much to take in all in one day. If only he let Bella speak-he could love her like he wants to.**


	5. Running Scared

**I don't own twilight...just playing around.**

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**EPOV**

I know I took the cowards way out and ran-but I needed some space to think.

In my stupor, I left Emmett behind in the war zone. I'm sure Bella was furious with me at the moment and I couldn't blame her.

I yelled at her for 10 minutes about how she took away my right to know about my daughter, then I just bailed.

I don't even have her phone number or address-

I couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that I have a daughter. A three year old daughter that I know nothing about except for her name.

Bella named her Esme…WHY?

Why after she told me to stay away from her, would she bother to name her after someone in _my _family? She even gave her…_our _daughter a picture of me?

WHY?

I knew that if I just turned around I could have all the answers to my questions…but I didn't want to talk to her. I hated her.

My cell rang for the billionth time…Emmett calling to find out where I ran off to…and I'm sure WHY I ran off.

"Yeah." I finally answered the phone.

"Where the hell did you go man? You just left me here!" Emmett didn't sound angry, but pissed that he didn't have the brains to bolt.

"I just needed to get out of there. I'm turning around now. I'll be back in a little."

"Don't bother…she left. Right after you ran from the store, Bella came out all crying and shit. She told Alice she was going home."

Fuck…great…now how was I going to find her. She's just disappeared again, leaving me.

"Sooo, where are you I'll just come meet you."

"I'm like 10 blocks uptown." I looked at the road sign telling me what street I was currently on.

It didn't take long for us to find one another…we were both walking faster than normal.

"Well…is it your kid or what?" Emmett so kindly asked.

All I could say was yes.

"Here, Bella gave me this. I guess you forgot to find out where she was living before you took off." Emmett's words stung…I did forget to find that out-and the fact that Bella gave it to him for me meant something.

"I guess this is where I'm going right now. I guess it's time to meet my daughter."

Emmett and I hopped in another cab to Bella's address. When the cabbie first stopped I thought it must have been a mistake. Bella lived in a freaking townhouse in New York city?

The next thought that came to me…hurt me. She'd given me a false number before…why not a fake address now.

Emmett told me he was going back to him place to get ready for his appointment. He clearly didn't want to be here of any of this…like I could blame him.

He gave me a spare key to him place and wrote the address down for me.

Slowly I walked to the her front door. I hesitated to knock…because in about 1 minute the person I want to answer the door isn't going to be here.

Before I could even get within knocking distance of the door it swung open…Bella did live here.

"Hi." I said with absolutely no emotion.

"Hi." Bella took a step towards me and I instinctively took one back.

"Listen…I don't really know what to say to you, but I would really like to meet my daughter." I was honest. This is so uncomfortable…

"I was hoping that you would come, so…so I asked Rosalie to take her out to dinner. I thought it would be best if we could talk first. Give me a chance to…" I cut her off. I didn't want to hear any explanation.

"You're right we need to talk, but I don't want to know why you did it. I'll ask you questions and you give me the answers. Please just save me from all the past bullshit." I was rude and I didn't care. I could stand here and listen to why.

Bella nodded her head and wiped away the tears that had fallen from her eyes.

Bella stepped aside for me to come in.

Her place was huge…I couldn't believe it. When I met Bella all those years ago she never mentioned being loaded. Just one more thing she left out.

"Do you want something to drink?" Bella offered walking into her kitchen. I followed her, but declined. "So what would you like to know?" I didn't miss Bella's tone. She's pissed I won't let her do any of the talking.

"What does…Emmy," the name sounded funny coming off my tongue. "know about me?" Bella smiled sadly.

"A few days ago on her birthday, she asked me why she doesn't have a father." I rolled my eyes…of coarse she has a father…a father that already loves her unconditionally. "She was confused because all her friends have a mother and father living with them. I explained her Emmy that she does have a father."

"What did you tell _her_?" Bella sighed and looked up at me.

"I told her that she does have a father, that if you knew where to find us you would be here with her. That you would love her…but sometimes we can't be with the ones we love." I held up my hand to stop Bella…this was going to be harder than I thought.

"_If I knew where to find you?_" I tested the words out. Bella could see that I didn't like her choice of words and went to say something-but I didn't want to hear it.

"Why did she have a picture of me?"

"I gave it to her when she asked about you."

"Why would you bother doing that?" I snapped at her. She kept us apart but Emmy was allowed to know all about me.

"I thought she had the right to know who her father is." I took deep breathes trying to calm myself down.

"She has the right?"

Bella stood up from the table and I did the same…she wasn't going to get the upper hand in this…I needed to have the control.

"I gave the picture of you to Emmy because she wanted to know what you looked like. I gave it to her and told her how much she's like you. It made her day…all she's ever wanted was to have both of us in her life…and all I could give her was a picture of you. Which she's been carrying around with her ever since-until today when she dropped it. She was devastated that she lost it…but thankfully I found it and was able to give it to her. I didn't tell you are here in New York…I didn't want to get her hopes up that she might actually meet her daddy." Bella remained strong…she was going to make me listen.

"I really want to meet her, but I'm in the process of moving here, so I think it would be best to do once I'm here for good. I don't want to come into her life, only to have to leave again so soon. I'm going to go back to Chicago tonight and finish getting everything ready for the move. I'll just crash with Emmett until I find my own place. I'll be gone a few days." I was rambling and not really thinking clearly. I had just gotten here, now I was going back? Without meeting my daughter?

"You're really not going to let me say anything…explain to you…" Bella started but I cut her off.

"No…I just can't…please…just do this for me? If you ever cared about me at all…grant me this selfish request." I begged. I knew it was wrong…but I wasn't thinking straight.

"Sure Edward…" Bella nodded her head and sat defeated back down in her chair. "We're suppose to leave for Disney World in a week. It was her birthday present." Bella spoke at the table.

"Then I guess we'll figure everything out why you get back." I said robotically. How was I going to manage now I have a daughter and not getting to meet her for another week?

"That's how this all started." Bella mumbled. I wasn't even sure that's what she said.

"How what started?" I asked…curiosity was getting the better of me.

"Emmy told me that her friend went to Disney with her mom and dad…and Emmy said 'I wish I had a daddy.'" Bella began to cry once more. This was clearly hard for her as well…She loves our daughter and just wants what is best for her.

"Right…so I'm going to leave. Get on the first flight back…I'm sorry Bella, but this is the way I need it to be…just for now. I have to find away to not hate you in front of our daughter." The words were out of my mouth before I had a chance to filter myself.

Bella's head shot up to look at me. Her eyes wide and mouth open. "Hate me?" She whispered. I chose not to answer…and not risk saying anything else hateful.

I turned to leave and was about to open the front door when Bella caught me by the arm.

"Please Edward…don't do this. Just let me explain…you have to let me explain!" Bella was sobbing at this point. Deep inside my body was screaming to comfort her…my heart loved this women…but today my head was winning.

"I have to go Bella. I need to do this my way. It might not be right-but it's the only thing I can think of." I opened the door and was about to leave when Bella asked me to wait a second and ran out of the room. She was back in less than a minute clutching a photo.

"Here, I want you to have this. I took this on her birthday. She looks just like you in it." Bella smiled but it didn't reach her eyes.

I thanked her and left. I didn't look at the picture until I was finally at Emmett's apartment.

Bella was wrong. Emmy looks just like her. She's absolutely beautiful.

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**BPOV**

"Thanks Rosalie. I don't know what I would have done without you today."

Rosalie returned with Emmy 20 minutes after Edward left.

I did everything I could to make it look as if I hadn't been crying…which I obviously had and Emmy noticed.

I told her I stubbed my toe, because we both knew that hurt so much it caused us to cry.

Emmy was finally in bed and Alice and Rosalie were waiting downstairs for me.

"This is all my fault Bella, I'm so sorry." Rosalie was blaming herself for Edward reacting the way he had. I didn't blame her.

"It isn't your fault Rose. Edward reacted the way any person would have reacted if they found out they had a child they didn't know about."

"I should have got out of there sooner…not dropped the damn picture."

Rosalie was really betting herself up over this.

"Listen…this isn't the ideal way I wanted Edward to find out about Emmy-but I don't blame him for hating me. I do how ever have a problem with _why _he hates me."

I was livid that he wouldn't give me a chance to explain anything. I wanted to know what letter exactly he was talking about-I wanted to know exactly what I was being accused of.

"What do you mean?" Alice asked.

"He's mad about some letter I sent telling him to stay out of my life. He thinks I deliberately kept Emmy from him…and he won't let me explain."

"That fucktard!" Alice yelled…surprising us, including herself. Alice really did have a potty mouth for someone so small and feminine.

"What letter did you ever tell him that in?" Rosalie asked sarcastically. She knew perfectly well that this never happened.

"I'm not sure. He wouldn't really talk to me. He's left for Chicago and he wants to meet Emmy when he gets finally moves here and we get back for Florida."

"What the hell is the matter with this guy?" Alice and Rosalie said in unison.

"I smell fowl play." Rose added.

"So now what, you wait until he wants to grace you with his presence?" Alice was pissed…she looked as if she was ready to hang Edward by the balls if she ever saw him again.

"No…I'm done waiting. This time…this time I taking matters into my hands."

They both just stared at me like I grew another head.

"I'm going out to Chicago in the morning…I'm going to make him listen."

"I'm going with you." Rosalie spoke. "Someone needs to watch Emmy while you're putting Edward in his place." Alice nodded her head.

"This is perfect!" Alice clapped her hands in excitement. "Rose, ask Emmett where he's parents live and tell him to tell them to tell Edward to meet them at their house. Bella can't show up at his grandfather's place…that would be disastrous. Then when Edward is there Bella can show up and corner him and make him listen!"

Rosalie and I both tried to follow Alice's plan….but we got mixed up in all the hims and thems and who's telling who what.

"That sounds….good. Alice is right I can't show up at Aro's."

The rest of the night was spent getting Emmett on board with our master plan and making sure he didn't mention anything to Edward. Apparently Emmett was on my side and thought Edward was acting like an ass.

We decided to tell Emmy that we were going on a special trip and that we'd have a surprise for her when we got there. We pack our clothing and I packed all my notebooks I kept for Edward, and photo albums I made for him over the years.

Finally we booked our flights. We were leaving at noon tomorrow and we arrive in Chicago at three in the afternoon. Emmett decided to come with us…he thought it might be best if we didn't show up at his parents without him.

Finally Emmy was going to have her father…and I wouldn't rest until he didn't hate me.


	6. Sit down and shutup

**Twilight belongs to SM...I'm just borrowing them and messing with their lives. **

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**EPOV**

Three hours after I left Bella's place I was boarding my flight back to Chicago.

I called Esme and Carlisle and asked them if I could spend a few days with them. I didn't want to go back to my grandfather's house and have him question why I was home so suddenly.

Esme could sense something was wrong, and I promised to tell her everything when I returned. I was embarrassed and ashamed of my behavior towards Bella, but I needed to talk to someone. Esme had always been like a mother to me-she will help me figure out what to do.

I kept the picture of Emmy, Bella gave me in my pocket. I studied it the entire cab ride to the airport. She was so sweet looking. Her loose curly brown hair, that was the same color as Bella's. She has my eyes…my mother's eyes. Besides the eyes-she looked like a miniature Bella. It broke my heart that I've postponed meeting her, but I didn't want to have to leave her once she was in my life.

I was going to be working a lot, but I'd find someway to manage a relationship with my daughter. She was my new number one priority.

I wasn't sure how I would tell Aro about Emmy and Bella. He was going to be pissed that much was for sure. He blames Bella for everything. He made me see that she was just using me…see England with the rich boy…She just didn't seem like that kind of person when we met.

Emmett was still at his apartment when I got back. He straight out told me I was making a mistake…he thinks I should stay and talk it out with Bella. Give her a chance to say what she wanted to say. I told him to piss off.

It was late when I finally arrived at my aunt and uncle's house, but the lights were still on. One or both of them were waiting for me.

Esme opened the front door as soon as I was on the porch.

"Sweetheart, what happened? Why'd you come home so suddenly?" Esme pulled me into a hug.

"I ran into Bella Swan…" Esme pulled back to look at my face. She knew how I felt for her. She always told me that she didn't believe Bella would do that to me, but I had proof…I had her letter.

"How? Where did you see her?"

"She has a child…" Her eyes widened. We went into the house to sit in the living room.

"Carlisle is at the hospital late tonight. What do you mean she has a child…is she married? Is that why you're so upset?"

"No, she isn't married. Her daughter is three years old…and her name is Esme." I couldn't bring myself to actually say 'I have a daughter I never knew about and it's with Bella,' so I gave her a BIG hint.

"Are you shitting me?" I don't think I've ever actually heard Esme curse before. "You have a daughter?" I looked at Esme confused…she didn't look angry…she actually looked happy.

"Yes I have a daughter…that I've never met. Bella kept her from me."

I don't think Esme was even listening to me, because she kept muttering 'I'm a grandma' over and over and again.

"Are you listening to me?" I was getting angry…why didn't anyone see this the way I was?

"Edward honey, I always knew you and Bella were destined to be together. When do I get to meet both of them?" She always knew what? Why didn't I know about this?

"I think it would be better if I met Emmy first." I snapped at her.

"What are you talking about? You better not be telling me what _I think_ you're telling me!" Now this is the reaction I was expecting…but not at this moment…well sort of.

"I'm a coward ok! I yelled and cursed at Bella. I didn't give her a chance to explain anything. I told her that you she ever cared about me…that she'd let me be stupid. I didn't know what to do. I came back her to finish moving my things…I didn't want to come into Emmy's life only to leave again."

"You learned that from your grandfather." Was all Esme said. I gave her a look telling her I don't know what she's talking about. "Aro, said the same thing to Carlisle. 'If you care about her, you'll let her go'. He knew that Carlisle loved me, and he used that love to keep us apart." She explained.

"You never told me that. Why didn't he want you to marry Carlisle, he's amazing."

"He didn't think Carlisle was good enough for me-and it almost worked. Carlisle never thought he was good enough for me…we came from different backgrounds. When I found out what happened…well it wasn't good. My brother…your father, helped me. He found out what Aro was up to and told me everything. My relationship with Aro has been strained ever since. He likes Carlisle now…that he's a doctor, and we're well off-but Aro only cares about money and power."

I thought about what Esme was telling me. I knew Aro didn't want Esme and Carlisle together, but to actually try to keep them apart, just seemed so evil. They belonged together…

"I just didn't know what to do Esme. When I saw Bella…god it was like the past never happened. All my feelings came rushing back…I knew that if I gave her the chance to explain, that I'd forgive her. I needed to be angry at someone…she was an easy target." I lowered my head. "I told her I hated her. You should have seen her face…" I confessed to Esme. I knew she's be angry with me, I wasn't raised to me so hurtful.

Esme didn't say anything. She gave me a kiss on the head and told me she was going to bed. She wasn't going to tell me what to do-I already knew what I should do.

I needed to let Bella tell me her side of the story.

**BPOV**

"Where are we going mommy?" Emmy had been on a plane several times before, but only to Florida to visit my mom and step father. That was only an hour…I wasn't sure how she was going to handle 3 hours.

"We're going to Chicago." I didn't want to tell her _why_ we were going there…she might explode from excitement.

"Why?" Emmy loved to ask why. Why this and Why that…sometimes her curiosity was a little annoying.

"We are going to visit someone. It's a secret, so don't bother asking me who." I smiled and poked her nose.

"Will I like them?" Emmy was shy, but generally got along with everyone.

"Yes, you'll love them."

Rosalie has been reassuring me that everything was going to turn out fine. Once Edward heard what I needed to tell him…he'd not hate me. That I wasn't entirely sure on…he could still hate me for another reasons.

I can handle his hatred for me. As long as he didn't hate Emmy.

This could all backfire in my face. I could drag Emmy all the way out there and have Edward and his family tell me to leave.

Emmett assured me that wouldn't happen. He let Esme and Carlisle know to expect us…but I made him promise not to tell them who we are…I hated that Emmett was meeting Emmy before Edward-but this needed to happen. Edward needed to listen to me.

We'll be landing soon doodlebug…are you excited to see what Chicago looks like?" Emmy was busy coloring pictures. She did that nearly the entire ride…I'm not so sure she enjoys flying. She's calmer than usual.

She made nearly 20 pictures for Emmett…he won her over in an instant…which did a number on Rosalie. I could tell she was getting all hot and bothered.

"Mommy, I made these pictures for the people." Emmy showed me her handy work and I told her how wonderful they looked. For a three year old she is very good at staying within the lines. She must get that from Edward…because everyone knows that I was too spastic to stay in the lines.

"Are we going to Disney World?" Emmy asked. She looked excited…like she forgot that I already told her where we were headed.

"No, not today, but soon. Disney is in Florida near grandma. We are going to Illinois, where Chicago is." Well that went over her head. I think the only thing she heard was No, not Disney. All I'd have to do is say 'we're going to meet your daddy,' and I think she'd pee herself.

"My mom told me he's staying with them and hasn't been to Aro's. She seemed to be very curious as to who you are B. She just knows things sometimes, it freaky." Emmett told me just after we landed.

"She's like Alice then…Alice always just seems to…know." Rosalie commented.

The trip to Emmett's house wasn't too long. Emmy fell asleep for most of it, which would give her just enough energy to make it to bed time.

We decided that all of us would go straight to Emmett's. Emmett called to see where Edward was and apparently he was out.

Great…now I'd lose my nerve waiting for him to show up.

Well here goes nothing.

"It's going to be alright Bella. You have the element of surprise." Rosalie added thinking it would help.

"What does surprise have anything to do with it? If anything…the surprise might not be good." I was nervous as hell and taking it out on my friends.

"Are we going to a surprise party mommy?" Emmy was listening to everything, which was making this even harder. I could royally fuck up her life in this instant.

"Sort of." Emmett said before I could say anything. Rosalie tried to hide her laughter, but it wasn't working.

"Oh god this was a bad idea." I saw a women come out of the house to greet us. I assumed that had to be Esme and the man following her would be Carlisle.

They both hugged Emmett. I saw Esme and Carlisle eyeing Emmy. Esme made her way over to me and wrapped me in a hug that took me by surprise.

"Bella?" She whispered in my ear. My entire body went ridged-Edward must have mentioned me. Which means she must know who Emmy is…so why is she hugging me?

I couldn't speak, so I just nodded my head lamely. I felt tears forming in my eyes. She obviously knew about me…Edward told her…

Esme let go of me and gave me a warm smile.

I'm so happy to finally meet you Bella. Now where is little Emmy?" Esme could barely contain her excitement to meet her. In a way it she's her grandchild. At that moment I so badly wanted to tell Emmy that these are her grandparents…but thought that would be in poor taste.

"I'm Emmy!" She called from behind my legs. Carlisle and Esme both beamed happiness.

"My goodness you're so big! And look at those eyes…you have beautiful green eyes." Esme swooned and Emmy eat up every word.

"I have my daddy's eyes." She said proudly. Thankfully neither Esme or Carlisle didn't say anything. It seemed they didn't know whether to be happy or sad at her statement.

Emmett introduced Rosalie, and I think Esme got the feeling that she could potentially become someone special in his life.

Carlisle ushered everyone into the house. He told Emmy all about their pool, and she couldn't get to it faster.

Esme took my arm and held me back from the group…giving us a moment to talk privately.

"Just so you know Edward has told me everything-and I want you to know I yelled at him for not giving you a chance to speak." Esme was amazing…I was already in love with her.

"Thank you. That's why I'm here I have to clear some things up. I don't blame him for hating me...but I think he might hate me for the wrong reasons." I didn't want to get into everything with her right now…I needed to focus on Edward.

"Yes, I think their might have been. Now, I know I shouldn't have done this…but I don't think anyone will care once it's all out in the open." Esme pulled an envelope from her pants pocket. It looked all tattered and torn-clearly it's seen better days. "I 'found' this in Edward's room. It's the letter you sent him telling him to stay away."

"What?" I took the letter from her and gently opened it.

_Edward, _

_I'm writing you this letter, because I believe you have the right to know that there is someone else. We were together before I met you in England and were still together while we were together. I didn't mean for you to get hurt, but I need you to never contact me again. I'm sorry if you thought we had more than it actually was, a good time. I wish you all the best in life. _

_-Bella Swan_

I read the letter several time. How could he actually think I would send this…actually be that cruel?

"I didn't send this." I told Esme…but she wasn't the one that needed to hear it. "I know. I've always sensed this letter was off somehow, but I didn't really know anything until I had proof." She looked quite proud of herself. "I don't understand. What proof, there's no reason to think I didn't send this myself." I could only think of one person that would do such a thing, and was actually capable of pulling off a lie such as thing. I mean it was stamped and mailed from home town in Florida. "When I 'found' this in Edward's room this morning, and just knew it wasn't real. My father is away on 'business' or I made a little visit to him house. I found the mail sitting on his desk, and I found another letter from you.

No one is ever allowed in his office when he isn't present, so I figured it was a good place to start looking. It didn't take me long before I found a box." Esme lead me upstairs and opened a closet door. She pulled out a small cardboard box. "I believe these are the real letters you've been sending Edward for nearly 4 years." Esme had a triumphant smile plastered on her face.

"I spoke to Edward just before you arrived. He's at the cemetery visiting his parents. He does that when he needs to think things out." Esme handed me her car keys and gave me a little shove. "He'll defiantly still be there. Edward is big on thinking."

I didn't waste anytime. I grabbed the box and headed back out to the driveway-Esme hot on my heels.

"You get that in the car and I'll program the GPS for you." I did as I was told. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I had proof that I did everything I could to tell him about Emmy. I also grabbed the notebooks and photos brought with me, and one more insurance policy…incase nothing else mattered.

Thankfully the cemetery wasn't more than 10 minutes away…I don't think I could have handled more than that. I couldn't pay attention to anything other than getting there before he left…before the adrenaline coursing through my body died down.

Esme told me which direction to walk in to find their graves…it wasn't a large cemetery, thankfully, so it shouldn't take too long to find him.

I felt a little ridiculous carrying all these things, but a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

I only had to walk for a few minutes before I saw Edward off in the distance. He was sitting on the ground with his back resting again the side of on of the graves. When I got closer, I notices that he must be talking to them, because his lips were moving. I couldn't hear what he was saying, and didn't really want to.

Now that I was standing here, I didn't know what to say to make my presence know. It looked as if I was about to give a full demonstration in a lecture class-with all the props I was carting.

As I was deciding how to get his attention, the universe took over for me. When I went to take my next step I tripped in true Bella fashion. I dropped the box I was carrying, along with the bag containing the notebooks and such.

Edward obviously noticed my disturbance and looked utterly shocked to see me bending over a pile of stuff in the middle of his parents' cemetery.

"Bella, what are you doing here?" Edward came over to me. He made no motion to pick up the things I dropped and neither did I. It's be easier to say everything without a load in my hands.

"I need to speak to you." I tried to speak without my voice wavering…I needed to be strong, so I could get it all out.

"And what you thought a power point presentation while I am visiting my _dead_ parents was the best time?" Edward's voice didn't quiver as my did…which only fueled the fire. I remembered he didn't actually have a leg to stand on…Strong Bella was back!

"You never gave me a chance back in New York, so you left me no choice."

"I thought we agreed to do this when I moved there?" He knew that was bull.

"_We _didn't decide anything. You wouldn't listen to me…well now you're going to listen!" My voice wasn't so much strong as it was loud. I needed to find my balance. I needed to breath.

I took several deep breaths calming myself down. Edward waited.

"Our daughters name is Esme Elizabeth Mason Swan." I spoke slowly, making sure he heard every word I was about to say. "I named her after your Aunt Esme, who you told me all about. I also named her after your mother who you lost far too early. Mason isn't her middle name…it's just one of her last names. Though we just use Swan, so we don't cause confusion." Edward looked pained.

I removed the fake letter from my pocket and handed it to him. "Don't be angry with Esme…senior…she was only trying to help." Edward took the letter from me and turned it over…he knew what it was. He went to say something, but I stopped him. "I didn't write that letter."

"Well if you didn't then who did?" Edward finally spoke. He didn't really believe me. Who would he.

"I never wrote you _that_ letter. There wasn't anyone else-and there never has been. You didn't mean nothing to me…you were everything. I was so in love with you. I told you I loved you, but still you believed some letter telling you otherwise."

"What was I suppose to believe then Bella? You gave me a false phone number, I couldn't fly down to Florida and talk to you in person, so I wrote you. I was planning on visiting as soon as I could, but instead I received this letter." Edward was angry, he was waving the envelope around.

"I gave you the right number, so I don't know what to tell you there." Edward huffed and kicked some dirt around. "I said I didn't write you that letter, but I did write you these letters." I put the box with the letters upright and pulled a handful out. I grabbed the once that was most recent and handed it to him.

"So, you have all these letters to me, why didn't you send them out?" Edward viciously remarked. He didn't see where this was headed.

"I sent very single one of these letters to you. Esme found them in a box in your grandfather's office." Edward's face changed suddenly. He didn't have the smug look on his face…it was if I sucker punched him.

Edward bend down and began rifling through the letters. Each once was post-marked my the post office, so I clearly wasn't lying.

"I called when we first arrived back in the states, but you never answered. Your grandfather did however. He told me you didn't to talk to me. He said you specifically told him that if a Bella calls, to tell her you weren't home." Edward fell back onto his ass as he listened and looked the letters over.

"I never told him I didn't want to speak with you. Of coarse I did….I lo…"

"I know. I knew you didn't say that…_I _believed you when you told me how you felt. I didn't doubt you, I knew you'd never be that cruel." I didn't mean for the way my words sounded…I didn't mean to be spiteful.

"I called a few more times, hoping you'd puck up, but I guess you were away at medical school. It wasn't long after I found out I was pregnant. So I came to Chicago, to your grandfather's house. He told me to stay away…that you needed to focus-you didn't need us as a distraction. He told me that 'If I cared about you at all I'd stay out of your life, or risk ruining your dreams.'"

I sat down on the ground opposite Edward. A few tears fell from my eyes and when Edward tried to wipe them away I moved my face out of his reach. He didn't get to be sweet now. 24 hours ago he was yelling at me, and blaming me for everything.

Edward was visibly hurt in my actions, but I needed to stay strong, I needed to get the rest out.

"Aro knew exactly what to say to get me to leave, but I couldn't live with myself if I kept out daughter from you. So I wrote…hoping you'd receive my letters…which you obviously did not."

Edward shoved the box out of the way and grabbed a hold of me.

"I'm so sorry Bella. I should have had more faith in you, in us. Esme kept telling me she didn't believe that letter…that something was off. But I guess…I guess, I believed to because I though I didn't deserve you." My eyes widened at his admission. Not good enough for me?

"Clearly I was right. You are a far better person than I ever will be. You didn't believe my grandfather…you wrote me all these letters. You came to see me. In the back of my mind I didn't believe you could love me…I couldn't understand how someone like you could love someone like me." Edward held onto me as if his life depended on it.

"But I told you…I told you I loved you so many times…how could you believe some stupid letter?" Tears were falling freely from my eyes now.

"You'll never know how sorry I am that I doubted you. It's cost me everything. I've lost three years of Emmy's life, and I lost my life with you."

Edward held my face in his hands, he forced my head to look up at his. His eyes were sad, and I wanted to fix it, but I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready to forgive him.

"We can talk about this more…later…right now, I think there's a little girl dying to meet you."


	7. How to Love

**Twilight isn't mine...**

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****EPOV**

When I saw Bella tripping and dropping in the middle of the cemetery I couldn't help but think of the irony of the situation.

I went to my parent's graves to work out everything going on in my head. It was peaceful there, and I felt connected to them…almost as if I was talking to right to them.

I was telling them about Emmy-saying that I didn't know anything about her. I told my parent's that I kind of hope she's a little clumsy like her mother…not completely like Bella…I don't want her to ever get hurt, but Bella's clumsiness was what brought us together. Just at that moment is when I heard Bella.

She was huddled over boxes and bags…and she looked ridiculous.

As I walked over to her, I set my resolve to be angry with her. I was surprised that she actually came all the way to Chicago to find me…little did I know what she was going to tell me and show me would turn everything I thought upside down.

She didn't write the letter I received all those years ago. How many times I had I read that letter and thought badly of Bella. I tried to not be angry with her…to wish her well, but I couldn't ever find it in me. I loved her and was hurt when I thought there was someone else-but there never was. There never was…

When Bella explained she called and came to see me the moment she found out about our baby…I was shocked. Aro did the same thing to Esme and Carlisle-he kept all her letters she sent me over the years. An entire box full of letters-all telling me I have a child.

I always knew Bella was a better person than me, and now I have tangible proof. I don't think any I could say or do could make up for the way I treated her yesterday.

There is certainly nothing Aro can do to make up for everything he took from me. I saw everything clearly know…he changed the number I had stored for Bella…he sent the letter…he kept all the real letters.

Bella and I had so much more to talk about, but now it was time to finally meet Emmy.

Bella followed me back to the house. I felt as through my body wanted to jump right out of my skin…I didn't know what to say to her…will she be happy or angry to see me finally.

When we arrived at the house I just stood and leaned against my car…I couldn't stop tugging in my hair. I don't think I've ever felt this nervous in my life.

Bella walked up to me and gave me a hug. She didn't have to comfort me…I wouldn't blame her if he beat the shit out of me.

I took full advantage of the moment and wrapped my arms around her waist. She fits so perfectly against me.

"You don't have anything to be scared about…she already loves you." Bella soothed me. She gave me a little squeeze. I pulled back enough to look into her eyes. I don't know how I told myself I hated her all these years…I've never loved anymore than her.

"Thank you Bella. If it wasn't for you…she'd know nothing about me. I can't believe how nasty I was to you. I'm so sorry." I wanted to tell her that I still loved her-had never stopped loving her…despite how many times I told myself I wasn't.

"We'll talk later." And I knew she'd been hurt more than I'd ever understand. She'd been reaching out to me all these years…she never gave up on me-and as soon as I come back into her life…I'm heartless.

With a will of their own my lips placed a light kiss on Bella's mouth. I felt her stiffen slightly in my arm, but didn't pull away. The kiss only lasted a second, but it felt that old spark. "I never hated you Bella." I pulled her fully into my embrace-now wasn't the time to say anything else.

We eventually pulled apart and I noticed Bella's eyes were damp. I can't seem to stop making her cry.

Bella smiled and took my hand and lead me into the house. She wasn't holding my hand affectionately, like we did in England. She was leading me into the house…giving me the shove I needed.

We followed the voices to the back yard. Everyone was outside enjoying the sunny weather. Esme and Carlisle had they bathing suits on. Emmett and Rosalie were here as well, I needed to remember to thank them later. I'm sure they all had something to do with Bella and Emmy being here.

Bella dropped my hand and made her way closer to the group. I lagged behind…letting Bella have a moment with our daughter first.

Emmy, soaking wet ran over to Bella when she saw her. She was talking animatedly and waving her hands at the pool.

Bella bent down and whispered in her ear. Emmy's bouncing stopped and she looked around frantically. Finally her eyes found me standing in the doorway of the house.

Bella wrapped a towel around Emmy and took her hand leading her towards me…just as she did for me minutes ago.

As they got closer I squatted down to be at the same level as Emmy. Her picture didn't do her any justice…she was a dead ringer for her mother…the most beautiful creatures I have ever seen.

Emmy dropped Bella's hand and flung herself into me. My arms wrapped around her as momentum pushed us backwards. I couldn't help but laugh, which caused my girls to giggle as well.

Emmy and I just laid on the floor side by side looking at one another. We didn't say anything right away…we were taking it all in.

"I've missed you Emmy." I broke the silence.

"I missed you daddy." I didn't think it was possible but my heart swelled even more at the sound of her sweet voice calling me daddy. I sat up and pulled her onto my lap. Bella sat down beside us and I put my arm around her back.

"I love you Emmy. You'll never know how much." I kissed the top of her head and she gave me a little kiss on my cheek.

"Mommy told me she'd find you…and she did. Is this your house?" Emmy looked from me to Bella and around the house.

"No, this is my family's house. I'm coming to live in New York City to be near you?"

"Is this my grandma's house? I like grandpa, he's funny." Emmy giggled. "Are you going to live with me and mommy like Elle's daddy?" Emmy's eye lit up and I hated to crush her already. So I deflected.

I looked at Bella before I spoke. I didn't want to step on any toes, telling her Esme and Carlisle are her grandparents.

"You can call Esme and Carlisle grandma and grandpa. They aren't my mom and dad, b but they helped raise me." I didn't want to talk about my parent's being dead to a three year old. There was time to explain everything a nothing time.

After a little while of more talking we joined the family back outside. Emmy showed me how well she can swim. It was amazing and a heart attack waiting to happen watching her throw herself into the deep end. Bella assured me she can do it. They go swimming all the time in the city…she wanted Emmy to know how to swim.

Esme and Bella retreated into the kitchen to fix dinner. Thankfully my parent's have a large enough house that there was plenty of room for all of us to sleep. My parent's for some reason had a twin size blow up bed, which was perfect for Emmy. Bella and Rosalie were sharing the bed in the room with Emmy.

Esme and Bella made Emmy's favorite for dinner, which happened to be spaghetti and meatballs. While dinner was being prepared Emmy and I sat together on the sofa-we basically played 20 questions…with Emmy asking all the questions. Bella was right, she wanted to know everything about me.

Emmy wasted no time in calling Esme and Carlisle grandma and grandpa, respectively…which brought tears to Esme's eyes. Emmy was fascinated that both Carlisle and I are doctors, and wanted to know how many children we've made cry with needles. Carlisle was this particularly funny-she sounded like Emmett.

Emmy was in a fit of giggles watching Emmett attempt to eat spaghetti. He never quite mastered the art of eating noodles, but I think there was the added pressure to impress Rosalie.

Rosalie seemed to be keeping her distance from me…I don't think I'll be forgiven so fast by her. Emmy sat between Bella and I and I couldn't help my eyes wondering to Bella during dinner. She seemed…I don't know…sad. I wish I could know what she was thinking. She smiled, but they aren't the smiles I remember from England. They were forced. Bella joined in on the conversation, but didn't begin any discussions. I suddenly realized how hard this was going to be on her. She's never had to share Emmy with anyone before. I'm sure she's going to be slightly jealous over the attention Emmy was showing me. Emmy barely glanced in her direction. I knew just how she felt…I was jealous over Bella having the past three years with her alone.

She knew what Emmy's favorite color is without asking. Bella and I needed to sit down and lay it all out on the table. And this time I was going to listen.

I realized that I love Bella…but I don't know what to do with those feelings. I don't think I could manage building my relationship with Emmy, while building a romantic relationship with Bella, all while starting my residency.

I might be getting a little ahead of myself…who's to say Bella even wants me in her life that way. She could be seeing someone…that thought alone makes my skin crawl. I idea of another man touching Bella, or laughing with Emmy-I could feel a growl forming in my chest. I was careful to keep it inside…no need to make everyone think I am completely insane.

"Mommy, is daddy coming to Disney World with us?" Emmy asked throwing Bella completely off guard. I remained quiet, this was something Bella had planned…I didn't want to intrude.

"Umm…well..I…I don't know…" Bella looked to me for help, but was cut off my Emmett.

"Oh man I love Disney World! Remember when Edward got sick on the teacups?" I bowed my head in shame, because yes it was true. That's when I heard the most magical sound…Bella giggled softly. My head shot up to her. Her cheeks were flushed pink, and she look breathtaking.

I was right back where I was 4 years ago. Completely and hopelessly in love with Bella Swan…only this time I'm positive she doesn't return my feelings.

**BPOV**

I couldn't believe all this was happening. Edward was finally in Emmy's life and we were having dinner at his family's house…it was all surreal. I felt like I was going to hurl.

Emmy looked happy. She didn't stop asking Edward questions which brought a smile to my face. To be honest…I missed having her undivided attention…but she deserved that have her father with her. He could answer all the questions she had, where I couldn't.

I couldn't help but feel that this is what it was suppose to be like all along.

This shouldn't be our first dinner with Edward and his family…so much time lost. I knew it was irrational, but I couldn't help but mourn the loss of the life it should have been.

Edward had thrown the word 'hate' out there and that shifted things. How could I ever fully trust him, when I knew how quickly he can change his mind. He allowed that letter to destroy everything I ever told him. He hated me for years…while I loved him.

Edward and I put Emmy to bed together. We assured her that he'd still be here when she woke up.

"Can we talk some more, I understand if you don't want to." Edward asked once we left the room.

"Sure, let me just grab something I brought for you."

I went outside to retrieve the notebooks I kept over the years. I wasn't sure I should give them to him anymore.

I brought them with me anyway…just incase.

Edward was sitting in the living room alone looking through some of the letters. I couldn't help but feel exposed at the moment. I never dreamed that I'd be there while he read them for the first time…I don't even remember what I said…except for the last one.

"I can't believe you wrote me all these years." Edward whispered. He sounded sad. I sat on the sofa a few feet away from him. Even after all this time…and all the hurtful things said…I was still draw towards him. I loved him…but I wasn't sure how to anymore. My feeling were mushed up and I didn't want to think about it tonight.

"I'm sorry you never got them. I always knew this could be a possibility." Edward looked surprised at my admission.

"Then why did you bother?" He wasn't angry I did, he just couldn't understand how I remained faithful.

"I had to try. I hoped that maybe you'd get the mail one day and find one of them." I tried smiling but it was too exhausting to fake it anymore.

"Did you ever think I saw them and…" He couldn't even finish the thought. We both knew he'd never do something like that.

"I did, but I didn't care. I did it for you as much as I did it for Emmy. She deserves to have her father in her life. So I didn't give a shit if I was bothering you with the letters"

Edward listened as he scanned through the letters.

"You're an amazing person." Edward reached out and took my hand.

"No, I'm not. I'm was stupid and in love…it all seems a little pathetic now." I wiggled my hand free. I couldn't think with him touching me.

"How can you say that?" Edward noticed my hand pulling free and watched them separate.

"Because these letters didn't bring you back…you found out another way. A way I never considered."

"I don't care how I found you and Emmy…the letters are still nice to have. I can finally throw out that fake one." I narrowed my eyes at the mention of that letter. I had already destroyed it-actually.

"I'm sorry I so easily believed that letter Bella. I was just scared…"

"_You_ were scared? I was alone and pregnant…and I still never gave up on you. I killed me that you were missing it all…I…I kept these stupid books. I hated that you might miss anything, I couldn't bare it. And the whole time you hated me." I wasn't really making sense, but I couldn't finished a sentence my thoughts were flying around my head.

"What books? I didn't hate you…I was hurt…I didn't mean any of it." Edward tried to explain, but just like him I didn't really want to hear it. It hurt too much-and so I decided to hurt him…like I had been hurt.

"While I was pregnant I didn't want you to miss anything, because I knew how protective you are and would worry about me." I took the notebooks from my bag and held them in my lap. I flipped through them thinking of what to say.

"I wrote it all down. Everything. Day by day, month by month. Everything I was feeling, thinking…craved. Cheese…I craved cheese.

I could stop eating things with cheese…pizza, mac&cheese…you get the idea.

I pasted the sonograms…and wrote down what the doctors said at my appointments." I chanced a look at Edward. There were tears in his eyes…but I continued.

"I hated that you were missed a second of it. I missed you so much that I needed to feel close to you. I wrote it all down, so when you were finally back with me…with us, you'd know everything. You wouldn't have to feel like you missed it, because I wrote it all down for you." I shoved the books a little to forcefully at Edward.

"I took pictures of my growing belly. I hated it, but I did it for you. I was so in love with you…

I took pictured everyday of Emmy. I wanted you know just how she looked everyday of her life." I took out the enormous photo albums. "These aren't all of them, but these are from when she was born."

Edward was actually cry at this point--but I needed to get it all out…

"Everyday I thought about you. It's hard not to when our daughter has your eyes and smile.

I never dated anyone over the years…never wanted a man in Emmy's life that wasn't you. I was in love with you…how could I date.

On her third birthday…I finally decided to let you go. I was still going to write the letter every year, but I didn't want to love you anymore. I wanted to move on with my life. Then you showed up a week later."

Edward moved all the letter and books off the couch and moved next to me. He wipes tears away I didn't even know I shed.

"Bella." he whispered as he pulled me closer. I allowed myself, I need to feel him. He kept whispering he was sorry and ran his fingers through my hair.

Slowly he placed his hands on either side of my face and looked into my eyes. He bent down to place a kiss lightly on my lips. He felt just as I remembered, but things were different now.

I felt Edward's lips open slightly…deepening the kiss, but I pulled away. I wasn't ready for this.

Edward looked worried. "I'm sorry, I can't." I couldn't stop the flow of tears rushing out of my eyes. "I love you, but I don't know if I want to." I held onto his shoulders and pulled and rubbed his arms. "All this time I was in love with you, were held on to a letter that made you hate me…"

"I never hated you Bella. I shouldn't have said that. I just wanted to hurt you…" Edward was holding on to my waist-mimicking my movements.

"But you wanted to hate me. And you did hurt me…I just don't know how to love you right now."

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**Poor Bella and Edward...they need to figure their s*it out. **

**not going to be able to upadte for a few days....**


	8. Chapter 8

**I don't own twilight...**

**Sorry...i've been busy...**

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**BPOV**

I can't believe this was all happening. A week ago I was wishing for Edward to come back into my life-and now….now I don't know what to do.

Edward is finally here…Emmy has her father…and two more grandparents…and an Uncle Emmett…my head is swimming.

The other night…didn't go pan out like any of my fantasies. The look on Edward's face when I told him I didn't know how to love him anymore…I can't believe the words were coming out of my mouth.

Of coarse I love him…I've always loved him…I was just hurt when he said he hated me.

I hurt him more than he ever hurt me. I used all the pictures and notebooks to hurt him. That was never my original intention-I was just so angry.

'Deep breathes Bella.' I'm trying to let it all go. The only thing that matters in that Emmy and Edward are together.

I've decided to forgive Edward for his irrational behavior in the city, having to follow him out to Chicago.

Aro was the real villain. Edward was just as hurt as me…but we won in the end.

After fighting with Edward I left to go to bed. I didn't want to be there when he read the letters or notebooks. I don't remember everything I wrote, and I'm sure it's beyond embarrassing.

The next morning Edward was different. He kept his distance from me…but not in a 'I'm ignoring you' way. He was giving us space…a lot was dumped on him in the span of 24 hours.

Rosalie who is usually opinionated and vocal…also kept out of it. She didn't offer any advise, she just let me vent. She also seemed to be a little preoccupied with Emmett.

Emmett is like the big brother I always wanted. Emmy just adores him as well as Rosalie. Just by looking at him you'd think he was a big strong confident man…but he's more like a Teddy Bear. He admitted that he had been too shy to approach Rose, which made Rosalie swoon.

However, now that he's over his shyness in front of us…we're seeing the _real _Emmett. He's a big kid, loud and a prankster. Emmett and Rosalie are a match made in heaven.

The morning after our fight I was up early with Emmy. I was dreading who would be awake as well. I couldn't decide who'd be worse…Edward, Esme or Carlisle. I wasn't ready to face any of them.

Turns out it was just Esme…and I had nothing to worry about. The moment Emmy and I made our way down stairs Esme was hugging me.

"_Bella, I'm so happy Edward finally found you and Emmy. She's the most beautiful little girl." Esme finally released me from our hug and lead us into the kitchen. _

"_So, Emmy what would you like for breakfast? I can make you anything you like." Esme didn't know what she was getting herself into by making such an offer. _

_Emmy's face lit up and eye went wide. She looked at me…which was a mistake. I raised my eyebrow at her warning her not to go overboard. _

"_Can I have scrambled eggs?" Emmy was bouncing in her seat…but I didn't understand why. Emmy's favorite was French toast…I usually had to force her to eat eggs. _

_Esme sensed my confusion and gave me a small wink. _

"_Scrambled eggs are your daddy's favorite too." Emmy say that she knew. Well that explained it. _

_I felt a slight twinge in my heart…happy she knew these things about her father, but minutely jealous…_

"_Emmy why don't you go wakeup your dad? He would be so sad if he missed breakfast." _

_Before Esme could finished her sentence Emmy was flying out of the kitchen in search of Edward. The entire house will be awake in a matter of minutes with her yelling for her daddy. _

_I couldn't stop the tears that fell from my eyes. I attempted to hide them from Esme, but she could just tell how I was feeling. _

_She stopped what she was doing and gave me another hug. "Everything will work out in the end…the three of you are meant to be a family." _

"_How do you know?" I sobbed harder…she's so motherly…I just couldn't help it. Esme's so nice, and she didn't have to be. _

"_Edward loves you," I pulled back to see her face. "And you love him, otherwise you wouldn't have flown all the way out here." _

"_Edward doesn't love me…if anything he hates me." I wiped the tears from my face and took some deep breathes. _

"_Edward loves you…he's always loved you. Yes, he didn't want to for awhile, but I could tell that he never stopped. I always knew that letter wasn't from you…I just didn't have to proof." _

_Esme and I set back to work on breakfast. She warned me that they'd need to make extra since Emmett was here. _

"_Edward came to us last night after you two…spoke." I bowed my head in embarrassment. "You had every right to be angry Bella. That conversation needed to happen for you two to move on. _

_Edward realized he had no right to be angry with you. He's grandfather, Aro knows no bounds." All I could do was snort…because this was God's honest truth. _

_Esme began to explain how her own father had tried a similar thing with her and Carlisle. _

"_We made it through and so will you and Edward." Esme tried to reasuure me, but I still didn't know. _

"_You and Carlisle had more faith in each other than we did." _

"_No, I think that Aro just covered his bases better this time. Carlisle had to talk Edward out of murder last night." Esme gave a small giggle…apparently this was funny to her. "The best thing for Edward to do is cutting Aro out of his life-which will be hard for him. Edward's always wanted to see the good in him…but I think he's beginning to see the light." _

_That was the end of our private talk. Emmy and sleepy looking Edward came into the kitchen. I offered him a small smile…but I knew we'd eventually have to talk again._

So far that talk hadn't happened…and we're all on a plan back to New York.

Esme assured Edward all of he's things would be shipped safely, so he didn't need to stay behind.

Our trip to Disney was coming up and I'm conflicted…with Edward in the picture I wasn't sure if we should still go. But how do you cancel a 3 year olds trip to Disney World? The answer is you don't. I could always ask Edward to come with us…just as Emmy always wanted…can you say **awkward**? Just sitting next to Edward on the plan was doing a number on my nerves. Emmy insisted on having the window seat and Edward next to her…which left me next to Edward. We were taking a late flight out of Chicago, and Edward was currently trying to get Emmy to fall asleep…which I wished him to best of luck at…she's been wired with all the excitement the past few days. Apparently I'd been in my own world and hadn't noticed Edward's success…I did however notice Edward's touch.

Edward's hand was on my arm and his mouth was dangerously close to my ear. "That was far too easy…I was expecting a challenge." He whispered in my ear…either to not wake Emmy or to see if he still had the same effect on me…which evidently he did. My entire body was covered in goose bumps…which unfortunately for me, Edward noticed.

Edward ran his fingers up and down my goose bump forearm-he didn't move his face from my hair. This was the old Edward I knew. "Are you cold Bella?" His voice was deeper than usual. My voice however seemed to be lost. I shook my head gently. If I turned to my left…our faces would touch…if I turned to my right he'd think I was rejecting him…which I certainly wasn't.

I could hear Edward breathing deeply…smelling my hair. That had been a favorite of his on our trips around England.

Ever so slowly I was allowing my walls to melt…I know we needed to talk seriously…but this just seemed like much more fun.

Slowly my right hand came to rest on Edward's arm…and I mimicked his movements. Gently caressing and smoothing him.

Edward 'mmmm' in content, and I knew I still some effect on him as well.

"Thank you," Edward nuzzled farther into my neck, but I wasn't sure what he was thanking him for. "I read everything last night." He moved out from my neck and I instantly missed the closeness.

With one hand he held my arm and with the other he moved my face so I was looking at him.

"I'm ashamed for the way I initially acted…I didn't want to seem pathetic. I thought you didn't want me…that you'd moved on…when I hadn't." he eyes were sad, which I didn't want to see anymore.

My own hands rested on his chest. "I understand Edward. You don't have to feel guilty. There's no way you could have known the truth. But I'm sorry was well. I shouldn't have yelled at you-" I was silenced his a chaste kiss.

My eyes widened in shock…Edward tried to hide his smirk.

"You have nothing to apologize for. All those pictures…notebooks…and letters. Bella…I can't believe you did all that for me." His eyebrows knitted together. Did he really not know why I did all that?

So I did the only thing I could think of…I wasn't ready to tell him with words, so for the time being I'd let my mouth speak in another way.

I took Edward a few seconds to register my lips on his, but he recovered nicely.

Mindful we were on a plan with others and our daughter sleeping next to us…we kissed slowly. I caressed his top lip with my tongue, he tasted amazing.

I felt Edward's tongue gently on my lips, which I parted slightly to allow him better access.

Our movement were slow, but the passion was still there. Thank goodness we weren't alone, or I don't know what would have happened.

My hands explored Edward's neck and hair line. I couldn't help but scratch his scalp lightly…another favorite I remembered.

Giving me the response I wanted…Edward's chest rumbled and he moved his lips down on jaw to behind my ear. Apparently he remembered as well.

"I think I recall the night Emmy must have been conceived." Edward's voice was low and husky in my ear. My fingers twisted in the neck of Edward's shirt.

"Hhmmm" was all I could utter. I defiantly remember the night…I often dream of that night.

"It was late at night and you woke me up in the most delicious way." Edward nuzzled my jaw with his nose. "Those lips of yours…so full and soft."

My entire body was humming in excitement. Edward noticed my shifting in my seat-my panties were wet and he knew.

Two could play at this game.

I turned in my seat to draw closer to him. I kissed up and down his neck, giving little licks. "Did I ever tell you _why _I woke you up…that way?" Edward shook his head…I knew he didn't know.

"I was having the most delicious dream…it _excited _me so much…I woke up." My right hand slid down his chest and hovered just above the waist of his pants. "I needed to have you. To feel you inside me…feel all of you."

Every time Edward and I had sex we were diligent about using protection. I wasn't on the pill because I didn't see a point in it if I didn't have a boyfriend.

Edward surprised me by pulling me onto his lap. He took my face in his hands and looked deeply into my eyes. He looked sad again…and I could understand why. Had I gone too far…did he not want this?

I tried to look away but Edward held me in place.

"That was the last time we were together." Edward said quietly-now I understood. Maybe he did feel of me the way I feel for him.

"Bella…in your…in your last letter, you said you were going to let me go." Edward sounded nervous about what he was asking. He kept his hands on my face rubbing small circles with his thumbs. "Have you? Have you moved on…are you letting me go?"

I smiled-how he could go from sex on a stick to shyward was beyond me.

"There's _never _been anyone else. I just said that in the letter to…I don't know…make myself less pathetic…I guess." I sounded an awful lot like Edward before.

Edward laughed lightly at the irony…but turned serious again. "I'm sorry Bella. I wish I had known you were out there waiting for me. I didn't know, I thought you hated me." So this is what he was upset about. He'd been with other women. In all honesty the thought made me nauseous…but that wouldn't be fair.

"Edward…I didn't expect you to become a priest. I'm not going to lie, the thought makes me ill, but I can hardly blame you. I probably would have done the same thing in your situation."

Suddenly Edward's demeanor changed. I'm pretty sure he even growled…which just made my below situation that more uncomfortable.

"The mention of you with…someone else…" Edward took a deep breath.

"Don't worry Edward. I don't want there to be anyone else." Edward's eye widened at my confession and I instantly regretted saying something so bold.

Before Edward could react I was off his lap and back in my own seat.

"Bella, I think we need to sit down and talk…and stay in our own seats." My mouth dropped open slightly, what he saying he regretted what just happened between us?

Reading my mind, Edward cupped my face in his large hands and placed a gentle kiss on my nose. "Two nights ago we were so angry…and I don't regret anything…I just…" He ran his left hand through his hair. "I'm not sure what I'm trying to say. I want you, but…what? Do we date? Take things slow…I'm not sure I can keep my hands to myself." Poor Edward, he was fumbling all over himself. This was the Edward I remembered…he always told me he wasn't very good at talking with women. It's kind of cute seeing him all…shy. I could stop the giggling from escaping my lips-Edward immediately stopped speaking. "Are you laughing at me?"

I didn't say anything-instead I traced my hands over his face. My fingers remembered him…

"I'm sorry I was so angry the other day…I was never angry with you all the years we were apart…I've decided to let it all go. There's nothing we can do about the past…we weren't to blame." I kissed Edward once more chastely-he tried to deepen it, but there were some more things I wanted to say.

"Esme told me how Aro tried to keep her and Carlisle apart."

"She told me that the other day too." Edward sounded sad again…and I didn't want that.

"Well, I'm taking a page from Esme's book…we found each other. Yes, we lost a few years…important years…but I still love you."

I watched as Edward listened to everything I was saying…his face was unreadable-which made me all the more nervous. What if he wanted nothing to do with me?

I've put myself out there…I said 'I love you' first…and…

My internal worrying was cut off by Edward's mouth. The kiss was slow, like before, but still filled with passion.

"I've been in love with you from the moment you fell into my lap on the train." He whispered in my ear.

"Can you come over? When we get back in New York…"

Shortly after the plane began to land. It was nearly 9pm in New York.

It took basically 2 hours to get home from the airport, and get Emmy to bed. Edward came over like I asked him to, but I didn't know if he planned on staying.

"Are you hungry, I could make us something quick?" He followed me into the kitchen. Not sure if I was ready to have this conversation I rummaged through my refrigerator.

We hadn't so much as held hands since the plan landed and Emmy woke up.

I felt Edward come behind me. His hands drifted to my sides, running across my stomach. His arms encircled me and I spun around to face him…whatever was coming couldn't be so bad if this was how he was starting it off-right?

"I'm not hungry Bella." He whispered as he bent down to kiss my neck. "I'd really like us to sit down and finally have a discussion. None of this…I talk you listen bullshit. And I like for us to do it now…because I'm losing my control…you're irresistible…you've always been."

"I recalling loving it when you lose control." I quipped, while ducking under his arms and escaping to sit at the kitchen table.

Edward growled behind me, but sat at the table rather than continuing our little game.

How had things changed so drastically in the matter of a day?

"I think you should come to Disney World with us." I began because it looked as though he was deep in thought…I'm honestly afraid of what he's thinking. This was the ice breaker…a dumb ice breaker, but it worked.

"What? Do you honestly want me to come or…or are you just inviting me because you think that's what you're suppose to do?" Loaded question…

"I'm not sure. I know that this is what Emmy has always dreamed of…it's right that you get to be there for her first experience meeting the Princesses."

I couldn't help but smile at the image that popped into my head.

"I want you to be there with us." I stated firmly. This seemed to please Edward more than what I previously said.

Edward and I had been sitting on either ends of the table, but suddenly he switched seats to be next to me.

"It feels like a business meeting the other way…I want to be close to you." He answered the questions forming in my head.

"I would love to come to Disney World. I haven't been there since I was little…Emmett threw up on me on the tea cups. So I think I'll avoid that ride." My eyes widened…Emmett couldn't stand a little spinning…I'll just tuck that tidbit away for later.

"So…we're going on vacation together…" I'll have to tell Alice and Rose of the change in plans.

"I guess so…are you alright with that?" Edward seemed concerned that I might be having second thoughts.

"I'm not sure what I should feel. I'm not sure what we are…" I was cut off my his kiss.

The kiss was slow and caught me off guard, once I realized what was happening it was already over.

"I love you Bella Swan. And I'd like to take you out on a date." Edward held my face gingerly in his hands. I love it when he does that. It make me feel loved…he's touch is never too hard…always soft…like I might break if he squeezes a little more.

"A date?" I whisper.

"Yes a date. I'm not letting you get away from me again. Dating is the perfect way to get to know each other all over again. I want to know everything about you." Edward kissed along my jaw.

He really know how to make a girl swoon…suddenly I'm blindly jealous…how many other girls have swooned?

Edward must have sensed my change…he was looking directly into my eyes. "What's the matter? Did I say something wrong…is this not what you want?" Edward was back to being shy.

"No…this is what I want. I just couldn't help but think…" I was too ashamed to tell him…I didn't want to have this conversation.

"Think what Bella. You need to talk to me…how are we going to move on if you're afraid to talk to me?"

He's right…damn it.

"I was thinking about how you dazzle me…and I could help but think…howmanyotherhav ebeendazzledtoo ." I mumbled the last bit…hoping he heard me so I didn't have to repeat it.

He must have understood, because I was suddenly lifted from my seat to straddling him.

"I'm sorry Bella. I wish there hadn't been anyone else…but I didn't know. I wanted to forget out you…there were just a few other girls. I don't want to talk about it. There wasn't ever anyone serious. I've only loved you and that's all that matters. Please…don't make me feel any worse…" Jeeze…I don't know what I was expecting. I don't know how I feel…all I really heard was that he wanted to forget me-and that hurt.

"Did it work?" He looked confused but my line of questioning. "Did you forget about me?" I rephrased.

Edward's eyes darkened and in one swift motion I was laid out on the kitchen table, Edward hovering above me.

I felt the growl rumble through his chest.

"For the last 3 and half years I've had to think of you to even get hard. You ruined me for anyone else." Edward ground his erection into my center. I couldn't help but moan out.

"Good." I lifted my hips and pushed harder against him-causing him to moan out.

"If you don't stop Bella…there's going to be another Emmy along the way."

That threat probably should have stopped me from what I was about to do next but it didn't. My hips lifted once more-and while Edward was distracted my lifted his shirt over his head.

I can't be held responsible…I haven't had sex in three and a half long years.

"Bella…you've always tested my control…you're so stubborn." Edward pinned my arms down over my head…which just fanned the flames even more.

I couldn't move my arms, but I could move my head. Poor Edward, he was already panting before I stretched out my neck and licked his nipple.

'Ahhh, fuck…fuck Bella…" I continued my assault. I desperately needed him. Damn his control, we may not know everything about each other's lives…but I remember just how to push his buttons.

My tongue licked and swirled around, paying equal attention to each nipple. My hips began lifting and grinding into him. Edward's grip was loosening around my wrists…his hips were meeting mine and his eyes were rolling back into his head.

My legs wrapped around Edward's back…which he took full advantage of. In a flash Edward lifted us up and carried me away from the table.

"I'm not about to make love to you on a table…not yet anyway." Edward grunted as he hoisted me up farther.

I could feel Edward biting my nipple through my shirt.

"Aarrggg….mmmm….Edward…please…I need you."

"So much for our talk."

Edward carried me into my bedroom and kicked the door closed.

He placed my down gently on the bed and connected our lips.

**EPOV**

Last night was…perfect…amazing…hot.

Bella and I finally pushed through all of shit and settled on one thing…we weren't to blame. Aro-he did all this…he's the reason I've lost so many years with my family.

Family? Is that what we are? I've had them back in my life for just a few days…but this is how it was always meant to be. I always knew Bella was the one for me…but so much time has passed…that we don't really know each other anymore.

How was Emmy going to feel about Bella and I together? Every child wants their parents together, but are we moving too fast?

Something could happen and Bella could change her mind…Emmy would be crushed.

I glanced at the clock on the night table…it was only 7am.

I usually never woke up this early, but what time does Emmy wake up?

What if she finds me in bed with Bella?

My arms were wrapped around Bella…thankfully last night we remembered to get partially dressed before we passed out.

Maybe I should make my way down into the kitchen and wait for everyone there?

As I began to release my hold from Bella, she shifted.

"Morning. Where are you going?" Bella spoke but didn't bother to open her eyes. Does she have to work? Just another thing I don't know about Bella…what does she do for a living?

"I wasn't sure where to be. Do we let Emmy see me in your bed?" Bella's eyes were still closed, but her eyebrows knitted together…she was thinking.

"Our bed." Bella mumbled and rolled back over. WHAT?

I pulled on her shoulders so she was forced to roll back my way. Her eyes finally opening…she looked nervous.

"What are you thinking?" For the millionth time I wished I could just know what she was thinking…Bella wasn't one to bare she soul…but at this moment I needed to know just what she was thinking.

"I love you. I don't want to lose anymore time than we already have. You're going to be starting work at the hospital soon, and it'll make your life easier if you lived with your daughter." I stopped her from continuing. I didn't want her to do this for Emmy's or my sake. I wanted Bella to want me here.

"What do you want?" I pulled her closer towards me. I missed her body and the connection we have. She calms me.

"I want you. I know…I know we have a lot to talk about, but I want you here. You can have your own room…hell you can have your own floor, but I want you here with us."

I couldn't help myself. I needed to feel Bella's lips on my own. Could she be more perfect? She still wanted me after everything we're been through. She forgave me for being a complete ass.

"I don't need my own room. I'm not sure I could ever sleep without you by my side again."

"So…you'll live with us?"

"Yes."


End file.
